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Hello, my name is Christine Ericson. This blog is so I might add my voice to the thousands of Christians who wish to speak out on their beliefs. I want to encourage those out there who, "have not bowed their knee to Baal," and to remind everyone that God's ultimate Will will be done.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dragon Keeper

Title: The Dragon Keeper Series (By Donita K. Paul)

Rating/Review:
Language (1 being clean, 5 being cuss-a-thon) - 1, zero swears!

Morality (1 being hethanistic, 5 being righteous) - 5, total purity!

Violence (1 being clean, 10 being a blood bath) - 3.5 There is fighting between the "good guys" and "bad guys"

Theme (1 being satanic, 5 being righteous) - 5 there is an EXTREMELY strong Christian theme throughout the book. There is a God and Jesus character with whom the main characters all ineract.

Over-all interest and read-ability (1 being terrible, 10 being amazing) - 9 very interesting. There is action and a good plot to the story that keeps you wanting more.

Plot Summary: Kale, an orphan, discovers she has a gift with dragons. In her quest to protect eggs, she finds herself pulled into battling an evil that threatens her land. With the help of God (Wulder) she overthrows temptations to attain her goals.

Philippians 4:8
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Base Character Profile

Here is the Character Base Profile. I cannot remember where I got it (somewhere on the internet). If anybody knows, post the location in the comments and I'll give credits!

The Questions
Date this form was created:
Full name of Character:
Reason, meaning or purpose behind the name:
Nickname:
Reason for nickname:
Race:
Occupation/class:
Social class:
Birthday:

Physical Appearance:
Age:
How old they appear:
Eye Color:
Glasses or contacts?
Hair color length and style:
Weight and height:
Type of body (build):
Skin tone and type (i.e., harry, slimy, scaly, oily, fair, burns easily):
Shape of face:
Distinguishing marks (dimples, moles, scars, birthmarks, etc.):
Predominant feature:
Is s/he healthy?
If not, why not? Or why are they healthy?
Do they look healthy? Why/why not?

Favorites:
Char’s favorite color:
Least favorite, why?
Music?
Least favorite music, why?
Movie:
Food:
Literature:
Expressions:
Expletives (curse):
Mode of transport:
Hobbies:
How do they spend a rainy day?

Personality:
Are they a daredevil or cautious?
Do they act the same alone as when with someone?
Habits:
Drinks:
How much:
Greatest Strength:
Greatest Weakness:
Soft spot:
Is their soft spot obvious, why/why not:
If not, how do they hide it:
Biggest Vulnerability:

Background:
Hometown:
Type of childhood:
First Memory:
Most important child hood event that still effects him/her:
Why?
Education:
Religion:
Finances:

Family:
Mother:
Relationship with her:
Father:
Relationship with him:
Siblings, How many, relationship with each:
Children of siblings:
Other extended family:
Close? Why or why not:

Attitude:
Most at ease when:
Most ill at ease when:
Priorities:
Philosophies:
How they feel about themselves:
Past failure they would be embarrassed to admit:
Why?
If granted one wish what would it be, why?

Traits:
Optimist or pessimist? Why?
Introvert or extrovert? Why?
Drives and motives:
Talents:
Extremely skilled at:
Extremely unskilled at:
Good characteristics:
Character flaws:
Mannerisms:
Peculiarities:
Biggest regret:
Minor regrets:
Biggest accomplishment:
Minor accomplishments:
Darkest secret:
Does anyone know?
How did they find out:

Self-perception:
One word they would use to describe themselves:
One paragraph of how they would describe themselves:
What do they consider their best physical characteristic and why:
The worst one? Why?
Are they realistic assessments?
If not, why not?
How they think others preserve them:
What four things would they most like to change about themselves:
Why?
If they were changed would they be the same person, why/why not:
Would changing of number 1 make them more happy? Why/why not:

Interaction with other people:
How do they relate to others:
How are they perceived by strangers:
Friends:
Wife/husband/lover:
The Hero/Heroin:
How do they view the Hero/Heroine:
First impression of the char:
why?
What happens to change this perception:
What do people like most about this char:
What do they dislike most about them:

Goals:
Immediate:
Long term:
How do they plan to accomplish them:
How will others be effected by this:

Problems/Crisis:
How do they react in a crisis:
How do they face problems:
Kind of problems they usually run into:
How they react to new problems:
How they react to change:

General:
Favorite clothing, why:
Least favorite, why:
Jewelry:
Other accessories:
Drives:
Where do they live:
Where do they want to live:
Spending habits, why:
What do they do too much of, why:
Most prized possession, why:
People they secretly admire, why:
Person they are most influenced by, why:
Most important person in their life before story starts, why:
How do they spend the week just before the story starts:

Sunday, November 28, 2010

This is My Plea

Wake up my Love, this is my plea-
That you'd arise -- Make demons flee!
Evil trembles at your step
When you stand up, show no regret.
Hard yourselves against the World
Being lights seen, felt, and heard.

Stand up my Love, this is my plea-
That you'd arise -- Make demons flee!
Show yourselves approved by God,
Bringing clarity through the fog.
Shining armor, sword of steel,
Sound of thunder, lightning peel.

Rise up my Love, this is my plea-
Forever now, you see, We're free!
Fly away, forevermore!
Take joy in this love galore!
No more fear, and no more hate
Look now, see, tis heaven's gate!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Here in the Plains of Shinar

Here in the Plains of Shinar, it is anything but plain. In the bountiful rein of Nimrod, the Great, the people have risen up to build a monument to their power. In the heart of the city of Babylon, the greatest ziggurat to ever grace the world is being constructed. I interviewed one of the main wall architects and this is what he had to day about the matter.




"I believe that is will be the full embodiment of how great, we as human beings, have become. We grow crops, build roads -- We are the best, and greatest this world has to offer. It is our hope that this Tower, will prove that we have the power. The stars are the limit!"

A casual glance at this project will show that it is definitely the pinnacle of architecture. Even as it is unfinished, the top of the tower is hidden in the clouds. The outer staircases are wide enough for five to walk abreast and each level is graced with carvings and windows. I tried to get an audience with King Nimrod, but he was unavailable for comments. However, his head priest had this to say.

"We are planning to make this tower the greatest temple to ever stand. It is a temple to us; we have become gods. We survived the Great Flood; it is us who are the true gods of this earth! As proof, we are building this tower temple to the very heart of the heavens. We will be as great as the heavenly stars."

Yesterday was the Grand Opening of the lower floors. The public was be given a tour and sacrifices were made to King Nimrod. As soon as the first of the flames began licking at the carcass, however, pandemonium ensued. I saw people fall off the levels of the tower and plummet to the ground. I saw people screaming at each other, and even more were running about in terror. When I tried to inquire what the chaos was about, I could not understand anyone. Perhaps we are not gods, as everyone has been saying, for our language has changed. I heard at least 20 different styles of speaking, and I know that no one understood a word I was saying.

All construction on the tower had halted. Since no one can understand each other, there is no way that the temple will be completed. Our crowning glory has now become our crowning shame.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Amos Comes To My Church

I had a professor assign me the project of writing what Amos might say if he came to my church. After writing everything out, I thought that it was a message well needed to be heard, even now, 2500 years later.


I was sitting in one of the many chairs at my church’s auditorium getting ready to listen to the Sunday sermon. I could see a small group of elderly ladies and their husbands sitting in the front rows, followed by mothers attempting to control their unruly children. At the very back of the room I could see that the last rows were filled with teenagers ready to bolt out the door just as soon as they called for the dismissal of the youth.

While the band was tuning up before worship, a man climbed on stage. He was dressed very simply, a red t-shirt and thick blue denim jeans. He faced the congregation and began to speak.

“This is what the LORD has told me,” he said. There was a stir in the vast room as he continued, “‘I hate your hypocrisy! You come in your name-brand designer clothes to my house, not to honor me, but to declare your wealth. You hand out money to the beggars on the street corner, and yet do not lift a finger to evangelize them! You preach about purity and chastity, but allow your daughters to be promiscuous -- becoming pregnant before even reaching the age of sixteen. You support orphans, and yet encourage your daughters to get abortions. You say you love Me and my Word, yet you accept the very acts I despise most!’”

The pastor stood up and yelled, “Who are you to say this? Get off the stage!”

The man replied, “I am not a prophet, nor the son of a prophet! I herd sheep and tend my orchards, but God took me and said to prophesy against you!” the man stared at the pastor with a look of distaste and continued.

“‘Your homes are in shambles! You divorce as much as the pagans outside the church. Your children rebel and hate my laws because you have not set an example -- no! -- you are too busy reading the latest magazines or coveting the latest cars. I have given you a home and a life, all of which you have allowed to rot!

“‘I despise your tithes and offerings and your missionary trips! You give for show, and let the widow with three children next door desperately struggle to survive. You travel to make yourselves feel good -- not to share My love. You spit in my face, then act as though I should bless your efforts, you cows!

“‘You can name every sporting team on television, and yet you cannot share the gospel. You watch every movie, and hear every band, yet you cannot find time to reach the lost. Take away the sound of your drums and keyboard! Your choirs and guitars! I will not listen to that noise!

“‘My wrath will come swiftly if you do not change your hearts. You say that calamity will not overtake you, but lo! Everything you love will be laid to waste because of your disobedience. You will have famine and drought without relief, but I am the God of Love and Forgiveness. Change your ways, turn to Me, and follow My commandments. Be bold and true in your love to Me, for I AM the LORD your God.’”

The room had become deathly silent. When the man finished, he jumped off the stage and walked to the back of the room. I grabbed his sleeve right before he left and asked him his name.

“Amos,” was his reply, and I never saw him again.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Survey!

1. What's your favorite time of the day, and why?
Morning or early evening. These are my magic moments when the world seems to come alive with thoughts and sights that seem to melt away in the bright sunlight. These are the times when dreams are made, and do I love to dream!

2. If health wasn't an issue, what food could you live off of?
My mom's greek salad! It is the best food IN THE WORLD!!! It's got all my favorite foods: olives, feta cheese, tomatoes, artichokes... YUM!

3. If you could have one wish granted (besides wishing for more wishes), what would it be?
To buy Barns and Noble AND Border's bookstores.

4. What's one thing that you get teased about a lot?
I don't like to be touched. It makes be feel threatened and uncomfortable. People, for some reason, take joy in tormenting me with ceaseless poking and petting!

5. If you could choose one movie, book, or TV show to spend your life in, which would you pick? What type of character would you be?
Either Stardust or the Princess Bride (I can't decide between the two) I would be the damsel who is usually in distress, but I can turn around and help the hero with my secret abilities.

6. If you could have one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?
To be able to learn any language quickly and easily OR to be able to read any book at lightning speed!

7.If money were no object, where would you go on vacation?
I've always wanted to go on a 1-2 year world tour. I want to visit all the major sights in Europe, see Turkey, India, Japan etc. I want to see the WORLD!

8. If you were an awesome singer, which genre would you sing?
Rock. Like Chris Daughtry, but the girl version.

9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, what would it be?
Jo-Ann fabrics or Hobby Lobby, I could make all the costumes I dream of...

10. If you could live in any point in time, when would it be?
I like it right now (with all of our tchnology and modern convineces) but I think it would be really cool to live back when ladies and gentleman held balls and huge dance parties.

11. If every outfit in your wardrobe had to be one color, what would it be?
AH! One color? I love blue. But I love red too... I guess all different shades of blue.

12. If you were one of the seven dwarves, which one would you be?
(Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Happy, or Dopey)
Somewhere between Doc and Happy ;)

13. What's the last album you listened to?
Seth Lakeman's Poor Man's Heaven.

14. What's something we'd be surprised to know about you?
I put yogurt on my cereal -- not milk.


Now it's your turn! Have fun with it, and post a link in the comments below, I'd love to read your answers!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Think on These Things

I originally wrote this article for my beloved Passion Magazine. If you'd like to read the original click HERE.

So often we do things and don’t even consider the ramifications. We watch movies, read books and we don’t even take a second thought as to what we are doing to ourselves. I wanted to address some very serious side affects that most people don’t know about. Let me start with an excerpt from Leslie Ludy’s book Set-Apart Femininity.

“A close friend of mine was really struggling with spiritual attacks upon her life, waking up with horrible nightmares and battling fearful irrational thoughts on a nearly-constant basis. One afternoon as we met together for prayer, she casually mentioned that she’d just come from a movie. When she told me which one she’d seen, I was taken aback. It was a horror/suspense film and though it was one of the milder ones it still was leaving a gaping breach in her life though which the enemy could gain access. Paul said, ‘Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.’ (Philippians 4:8)”

What we put into our minds either makes us spiritually stronger or spiritually weaker. I’m sure most of you never thought that you could be demonically attacked because of what you watched or read – I sure didn’t!

Please understand that I’m not trying to insight fear or paranoia about what we watch in movies or read in books or listen to in music, but you must know that these things DO affect you.

Not too long ago, whenever I felt lonely or depressed I would listen to music. That music, however, tended to be either very dark or very provocative in it’s lyrics. As time would pass and I continued to fill my head with the sound of this music, I found myself spiraling down into sorrow and (even though I never did it) self-harm. I was poisoning myself with the music I was listening to.


Another example would be of my wonderful mother. When she first got married, she had to move away from her very large family. She was depressed and lonely, and in her efforts to relieve the sadness she would watch afternoon soap operas and reality TV. In a few short weeks, my mother was plagued with nightmares, severe anxiety, paranoia (all of which were demonic attacks). As soon as my father found out, he posed the question to her, “Could it be what you are watching?” That was when it dawned on my mother. All of the un-godly, pagan television she was watching was poisoning her mind and soul – leaving her open to attacks from Satan. As soon as she stopped watching all of her regular programs, the nightmares and stress melted away.

Another thing that can be very damaging is books. The first thing that usually pops into our minds when we think of “books that we probably shouldn’t read” are romance novels, but I want to delve into something much more popular...manga.

Manga and anime are some of the most popular reading materials out there. Both girls and guys go crazy over the latest issue of their favorite comic – never mind that over 90% of them are filled cover to cover with extremely satanic and sexual messages. I don’t mean this to be a rail against manga, there are some very good ones out there, but the majority of the comics are anything but “holy”. Is this really something we should be filling our heads with? Leaving, as Leslie Ludy put it, “a gaping breach” in our lives? Everything affects us. It is, however, up to us what we allow into our lives – be it the Internet, movies or novels.

Our thoughts stir up our emotions. Our emotions stir up our desires. Our desires trigger our actions. The most important battles we fight are those of the mind. That is why Paul is so insistent on “Whatever things are true… meditate on these things.” Whatever time we spend cultivating in our minds will effect our actions. Constant baragement from evil things will cause us to be more and more prey to our sinful actions. But, daily devotion and prayer will strengthen us and draw us closer to the Lord for He has given us the power to, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7b)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Inkheart

Title: Inkheart

Rating/Review:
Language (1 being clean, 10 being cuss-a-thon) - 4 there were a couple d--n's and perhaps a few hell's

Morality (1 being righteous, 10 being hethanistic) - 3, the only morality problem I have with the book is the excess of lying (I think ANY lying is excess.) The characters are constantly lying to each other (especially the father to the daughter and vise versa) because they think it's for their "best".

Violence (1 being clean, 10 being a blood bath) - 2, there is no out and out bloody violence. There is a chase scene, but no gore.

Theme (1 being righteous, 10 being satanic) - 2, there was nothing satanic in the book. The main characters have the ability to read things and people out of books (which I consider more like a "super power" rather than sorcery).

Over-all interest and read-ability (1 being terrible, 10 being amazing) - 6, I think the book could have been a bit more "exciting" -- more action I mean. The writer takes time to go into everyone's thoughts and describes in great detail the scenes and people.

Plot Summary: Meggie discovers that her father can read people out of books, and unfortunately, he has read one of the most evil villains of all -- Capricorn -- into our world. Meggie and her father, Mo, set out to discover a way to defeat this evil and perhaps find her long lost mother.

Philippians 4:8
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Battling Temptation

I got this brilliant idea from (you guessed it!) Leslie Ludy (Answering the Guy Questions)!

I tried this out, and it really works!

How often are you faced with the temptation, "Wow. Check him out! I wonder what it would be like to date him..." rapidly it escalates into a dreamworld about this person when you're not even sure if he's a Christan. I get hammered with that one ALL THE TIME! Sometimes I just want to say, "Satan, can't you come up with any new tricks?" I can picture him saying back, "But you fall for this one every time!"

There's the rob. As a girl not only trying to save her physical purity for marriage, I'm also trying to save my emotions and heart for my husband. When traps like this pop up, it's SO SO SOOOOO tempting to sit and dream away when what we're really doing is staining our hearts.

I know the above is a problem with which girls struggle; guys on the other hand, I know struggle with physical fantasies more than the emotional. Wanting to look and lust is an extreme battle (as is girl's emotions.)

But... BUT! There is a remedy! It's brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Doing this will take effort and concentrations, but the rewards are

#1 A closer relationship with God
#2 Stronger, more PURE purity for your spouse
#3 A beautifully threatening weapon against evil

Ready? (It's so simple, I don't know why I never thought about it before!) When you are faced with a temptation with someone of the opposite gender, PRAY. I know it sounds trivial, but trust me when I say IT WORKS!!! Don't pray for the person causing the temptation (that only causes your thoughts to linger and makes the temptation stronger -- I know this from experience!) but instead INTENSIVELY pray for someone you know is having a tough time.

What do I mean when I say pray insensitively? Pray specifically. If you know a family that is having some financial trouble, don't just pray, "Lord, help them, Amen." Pray like, "Lord, this family is having trouble. Help them to earn more money if they need it. Help them to learn to rely more on You if that is your reason for allowing this to happen to them. Please, make sure they have enough food to go around. Let them be able to pay all their bills," etc. Praying out loud helps too.

If you pray like this every time you are faced with a temptation of the mind, you will find yourself so wrapped up in your prayer that the temptation is no longer a temptation AND to be sure, Satan will not be happy to know that his attempts to make you fall turn you into a prayer warrior for Jesus Christ!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Shiver

Title: Shiver

Rating/Review:
Language (1 being clean, 10 being cuss-a-thon) - 7, several d--n's and a lot of hell's

Morality (1 being righteous, 10 being hethanistic) - 7, these characters have nothing wrong with sleeping together behind their parents' backs. The relationships between parents and children shows the parents to be uncaring, stupid clods, while their children are really the ones who care.

Violence (1 being clean, 10 being a blood bath) - 3, there were several bloody scenes of wolves attacking people (not severely bloody) and one scene of a boy having his wrists cut.

Theme (1 being righteous, 10 being satanic) - 4, Werewolves were the main theme of this book. There was zero magic involved, but there was a very subtle line that hinted that the church was not the place to go in a crisis.

Over-all interest and read-ability (1 being terrible, 10 being amazing) - 7, it was a good read, but I like a bit more action in a story, this book seemed to be a little slow for my tastes.

Plot Summary: Grace gets saved from an attack of wolves by a wolf with yellow eyes. Over the next 6 years, grace forms a special, yet distant, bond with this wolf whom she constantly sees in the woods behind her house. One day, after being shot by a hunter, Grace sees the wolf change into a man, Sam. Since Grace's parents are never home and don't care about parenting her, it's easy for Grace to hide Sam in her room for the next several weeks. During this time the become co-dependent on each other as they try to keep Sam human while helping the rest of the "pack". While Sam is living with Grace, she begs him to sleep with her which he ends up doing right before he rejoins his pack as a wolf.

Philippians 4:8
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

Monday, August 23, 2010

Fruits of the Spirit

Here are some more fruits of the spirit articles that I've written. Some of you may have already read them if you subscribe to Passion Magazine (and shame on you girls if you haven't :D)








Kindness, Goodness and Gentleness































Faithfulness

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Set-Apart Femininity

I just got finished reading "Set-Apart Femininity." That was possibly one of the best books I've ever dared to open! It is an almost radical look at how we as girls really are to be set apart from the world to god! It goes over everything from the way we act to what we allow to affect us to our relationship with god. The thing I love about Leslie Ludy is she really does address everything. Whenever there is a chance that you might find a loophole in trying to be wholly God's (because let's face it, we are sinful people, and without conscious, persevering effort to become more like God, we will do whatever we think we can get away with) she slams it will a good dose of Bible verse and Godly examples from great Christians from the past.

Leslie Ludy challenges to truly put God first, above everything else, and fights the ideologies of the world -- even the "seemingly harmless" good ones. She addresses the apathy in church and simply edifies her fellow sisters in Christ.

One thing I would suggest is that guys interesting in learning what kind of girl they should look for should read this book. I really think it is a good idea for us to read books written for each other (as in girls read "guy books" and guys read "girl books"). Guys who read this book will be better able to understand and help their sisters in Christ (and wives) and they will also get a better idea of what they should be looking in a girl they are interested in marring.

This book, however is not reserved to single girls or guys who are interesting in learning about us. I encourage married coupled to go through this book. There are many applications that can be used in married life as well. Radical ideas like using "date night" for prayer or limiting your interaction with singles of the opposite gender after marriage are just some of the topics Leslie touches on.

This is another absolute MUST read for Christians who are interested in taking the next step in their relationship with God. Every step forward brings you closer to God, let us all step together!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Harris Twins

I just got back from a book tour by Alex and Brett Harris (brothers of Joshua Harris, writer of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye") And it was one of the best things I've ever gone to -- I wish CHURCH was this good!!!

The seminar was from 9am to 4pm and did the Holy Spirit move!

Alex and Brett have started a movement called "The Rebelution" a movement targeted at teens. The Rebelution seeks to break the low expectations the world has set before us and change us into the best that God would have us be...

Alex and Brett have written two books thus far, their first being "Do Hard Things." "Do Hard Things" is really the core of the Rebelution. It gives insight and stories to a time before complacency and ways to become people of God driven excellence. This book shows that giving in to "the easy way" and accepting the attributes that the world had ascribed to us (rebellious, lazy, irresponsible, childish) is giving in to low expectations. Low expectations that channel the way our entire lives will move. And how having high expectations for ourselves will grow us and change us into real fighters for Jesus Christ, and true threats to the enemy.

Their second book, "Start Here: Doing Hard Things Right Where You Are." Answers many of the questions a person starting to seek high expectations and do away with the low.

As for the actual seminar, Alex and Brett are amazing speakers; their passion and energy flows into the room -- both entertaining and educating the audience. They share spiritual truths and don't hold back when it comes to saying what we may not want to hear. They led the room in the most beautiful alter-call I have ever heard -- not sugar coating anything for the new-coming believers. Their brother Joel led the band in several worship songs through out the day, and Joshua closed the evening.

I STRONGLY recommend these books to anyone who is sick of
a) sleepy Christians in the world
b) non-Christians in the church
c) both

Check out their website at TheRebelution.Com.

Are you part of the Rebelution?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

School's on it's way...

With fall fast approaching, I was thinking about how many people whine and complain when it comes time to do homework or get up early to catch the bus. I understand that school isn't always fun, but we are called to be witnesses wherever we go. Do complaining, joyless people really convey the love that God has for us?

When we walk down the halls at school, try smiling to the newcomers, the people you've never really talked to, the bullies, the nerds, the preps... everyone no matter where they come from or what their reputation is. Since God is love and we are to love the way Christ loved, smiling is a simple way to show off God's love.

At my job, the simple act of smiling has everyone utterly baffled! No one can understand why I'm always smiling. Why should I? Pay is low, customers are rude, managers are demanding -- in school it might be, teachers are mean, homework takes hours, and my classmates are evil! -- so, why in the world should I smile all the time?

My answer is very simple: I am grateful that I even HAVE a job. I am grateful that I am even BEING paid to work. I am happy to be a witness to people in a dark world. I am joyful that I am a Christian, and that Jesus died for ME. I am grateful that I have a home to go to and food on in my refrigerator. I am grateful that I live in America where I can freely own a Bible. I am grateful that I can borrow my Mom's car. I am grateful that I have a room to myself, that I have my own computer, that I can paint my room whatever color I want. I am grateful that I can buy books and art supplies. I am grateful that I have tons of clothes -- that I have clothes at all! -- that I have shoes and make-up and friends... The list can go on and on and on...

The point I'm trying to make is why shouldn't I smile? I know who God is and He's in charge of where I am and how things go. I have so much and I don't deserve any of it! And even if I had nothing, I'd still have Jesus Christ and that is something I could never earn -- ever! When I put things in perspective like this, I find it hard to understand why so many people constantly complain about their situations -- especially minor ones.

So, no matter what's going on, or how bad things may seem, remember that Jesus is with you and that is a cause to smile for.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Define...

So, this morning I was doing a little project for my devotional time. I'm going through 1Chronicles and those super LONG BORING genealogies (blah, the son of blahblah, the son of blahblahblah!) Well, I know that every part of the Bible is important so there I was trying NOT to sleep through my way through the first chapters of 1Chronicles when Dad gave me an idea: for each name write down the definitions and make a list...

Adam -- man
Seth -- appointed
Enosh -- human

and so on. I thought that'd be pretty cool (if you want to try, here's the site I used for definitions) and off I went!

I go down a couple verses and something jumped out at me (odd, considering it was a genealogy.) This may get a little technical, so I'll try to break it down...

(1Chronicles 1:8-10)
"The sons of Ham were Cush, Mizraim, Put, and Canaan. The sons of Cush were Seba, Havilah, Sabta, Raama and Sabteca; and the sons of Raamah were Sheba and Dedan. Cush became the father of Nimrod; he began to be a mighty one in the earth."

Something funny struck me about Cush. (Remember, Ham was one of Noah's three sons? And you might remember that Nimrod build the tower of Babel.) It starts out saying that Cush is Ham's son. Nothing funny there. Then it says who Cush's sons are and moves on to Raama(h)'s sons. Nothing odd their either. BUT, then we go back -- it's like God wanted to add a footnote -- to Cush. I know that doesn't sound like much right now, but just wait.

I thought that that was a little bit weird considering that hadn't happened in the previous names, so I decided to pay a little extra attention to it. Instead of just writing down names and definitions, I decided to keep everything in the sentence.

(Before translating 1Chronicles 1:10)
"Cush became the father of Nimrod; he began to be a mighty one in the earth."

(After)
Darkness became the father of Rebellion; he began to be a mighty one in the earth."

Whoa! Like... WOW! When I saw that, I nearly jumped out of my clothes! Nimrod rebelled against God and built the Tower of Babel, but not only that, MANY people followed him. Rebellion became a "mighty one in the earth" And rebellion is surely the child of darkness.

As it turns out, this turns up EVERYWHERE in the genealogies. The definitions turn the names into sentences (I'll probably post more later.) I strongly encourage you to toy with this -- if only to make reading the son-of's more interesting ;)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Chicken or the Egg?

I just saw one of those "un-answerable questions" and I felt the urge to tell the world that I know the answer to the age old question, "the chicken or the egg?"

Ready?

SINCE God created the world and everything in it, He created both the chicken and the egg.

(Genesis 1:20) "Then God said, 'Let the waters teem with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth in the open expanse of the heavens.'"

Chickens are birds, so we will group them with the birds (no brainer.) Therefor God directly created the chicken -- not the egg first.

This is a rather trivial question. What's important is that we know God created everything! He's in control of the world -- whether we like it or not. And we can get blessings by working with Him or curses by working against Him.

I for one want to be blessed. So here's the REAL question: How can I know if I'm working with or against God?

#1. Are you praying in accordance to his will?

That question sounds a lot harder than it actually is. To pray in accord
ance with God's will simply means that when you pray, "Thy will be done," you really mean it! If you want to go to NYC and become a supermodle and you pray, "They will be done," you have to be okay with the fact God might want you to scrub floors in a hospital in South Africa. Not that everything is always that "extreme" but we have to understand that if we REALLY want God to do His will, we've got to be okay with wherever He puts us, whenever He puts us there.

#2. (Do I really have to say this?) Are you being the best example of Jesus Christ that you can be?

WWJD I'm sure everyone remembers that from our
3rd grade Sunday School classes. But that acronym has many more ramifications than it is given. When Jesus saw people selling in the temple, he took the time to braid His own whip to drive them out (and who says Christian shouldn't get involved in the military!) When Jesus was eating with sinners, none of them felt scared or judged, rather, they loved Him. Now our big question is, are we behaving in the same way Jesus did? Do we "love the sinner, hate the sin," or do we wrap everything together and hate the sinner too? Do we allow people to walk all over out beliefs, or do we stand up and fight for what we know is right?

Those two points pretty much round everything off. Pray so that you know what to do, then behave in the best manner as you do it. (Told you it was pretty simple.) The hards part of all, however, is... You have to do this every moment of every day. Live the life. Sure, we makes mistakes and fail all the time, but as my youth pastor once said:

"Imagine life as a race. All of us Christians are running to the finish line (heaven). Don't run just to finish, run like you're gong to win. If you run like you're going to win, you'll try a lot harder than if you're just running to finish."

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

("Motions" by Matthew West.)

I really like this song (even though it is totally out of my music genre). When I hear those words it makes me want to stand up and fight! It inspires me because I know that I do not want to go through "Christian Motions" -- no, I want to live Christ with every fiber of my being! As I like to say, "It is not me, but Christ IN me."

I was praying last night and I was feeling weak and insignificant. I started just talking to God...

"Lord, I feel so small. I feel like I don't mean anything..." I prayed, as I did, thoughts started filling my head, kinda like God was talking back to me.

"Well, aren't you small?" the thought came.
"No! I'm not supposed to be am I?"
"Are you?"
"Well... yes, I am small."
"Yes you are. Now that that's out of the way, what should come next?"
"Next? What do you mean?"
"We have established that you are tiny and helpless. Right?"
"Yes, I am helpless, there's nothing in me that is mighty."
"Yes and no. You of yourself are weak and helpless, but I AM in you aren't I?"
"Yes you are. You're HUGE! You made the world and everything in it!"
"Yes I did. And I AM in you. The less YOU you put in my way the more I can shine through you."
"I see. So, You are strong in me, even more so when I'm weak. Right?"
"You got it."
"Well then, Lord, I need You to be strong in me right now, and carry me through because I am too weak of myself to do it."
"Christine."
"Yes?"
"I've been here the whole time."

Our problem so often is that we pray to God, but forget to let him take the reins. We say, "Oh Lord, help me!" then go off and do our own thing. The most difficult part of prayer is really TRULY allowing God to consume us, to the point where people can't see "us" anymore but "God in us." That is why my motto is "Be the best example of Jesus Christ that you can possibly be." After that point God takes care of everything else -- literally!

But, that step is so frightening. Like Matthew West put it, "This might hurt, it's not safe." A lot of times doing what God asks it terrifying -- think of all the things he asked the men of the Bible to do! -- but no matter what God says, we have to obey because it serves his greater glory. Too often we ask God, "Why? Why are You doing this to me?" but as humans, we don't deserve anything. We deserve to burn in hell; so a much better question would be, "Why not? Why does anything good ever happen to me?"

Knowing how shortsighted even the wisest of humans are, I'm so glad God has my fate in His hands. I'd mess everything up (and quite often I do, be getting in God's way to me.) By far, the best life to live is the one where you allow God to do whatever He wants with you. Trust me when I say that you'll be AMAZED at how He works everything for the good.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Taking the Census

So with it being 2010 the government decided to take a census of the population. Here is my experience with it. I would like like to quote a section of our "Constitution of the United States of America"...

Article 1; Section 2

(Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.) (The previous sentence in parentheses was modified by the 14th Amendment, section 2.) The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to chuse three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five and Georgia three.

Let's narrow that lot a bit so I get get to the meat of the issue...

"Enumeration"

That was easy wasn't it? So, the government is allowed to "enumerate" the population once every ten years. Let's look at what the word "enumerate" means...

e·nu·mer·ate
–verb (used with object), -at·ed, -at·ing.
1. to mention separately as if in counting; name one by one; specify, as in a list: Let me enumerate the many flaws in your hypothesis.
2. to ascertain the number of; count.

So, our government is allowed to count the population -- as in one, two three, the end!

With that in mind we -- under the Constitution -- are ONLY REQUIRED to state the unber of people within our households. (Now to the actual story.)

My father, being the leader of the house, received his copy of the census and answered the only question Constitutionally required (the number of persons in his home). He wrote down then number 4 and mailed the census back, all other questions blank. Several weeks later (just a few days ago now) a person who was part of the census bureau came knocking on our door. Dad answered it and the lady proceeded to ask him questions. My father politely stated the facts to here, the only thing he was required to give was the number of people in his house -- four. Not even his name or the names of the persons are required.

The lady was quite flustered and stated that if he -- my dad -- did not give the information to her someone else would come. Dad staunchly stood on his rights and refused to give out any personal information.

What in the world is the government trying to do by taking ALL of our personal information??? What business do they have with my social security number? my salary? my bill information? my personal setup? my standards of living? or whatever other questions they could possibly come up with?

My family has desided to stand upon our Constitutional right to NOT give out our personal information to strangers! -- yes my friends, I consider any government employee a stranger! We do not have to stand for giving up our personal information! Stand on your rights and give them their only legal, Constitutional answer, the number of people within your home!

This video says it all...

Monday, July 19, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 9

Chapter 9: In which a Heart is Freed...

I went over 5 months without seeing or hearing from Sedric. As more time passed the more "whole" I felt. I didn't need Sedric to feel like having a good time nor did I waist endless hours doing nothing but thinking about him. I wasn't perfect, though, I still missed him a lot! But I was becoming more and more willing (and able) to do whatever I felt God calling me to do (or even just hanging around for fun with my friends.)

Now I was getting ready for college orientation. I planned on going to a Christian college, and I knew I was going to meet a lot of SUPER Godly, Christian guys. But still in the back of my mind I had difficulty accepting the fact that one of those other guys might be my husband. I prayed and prayed that God would do something to take away the bindingness of my promises to Sedric. As orientation drew nearer and nearer I felt that I might have to do the forbidden... I thought I might have to call up Sedric and ask him to release me from the promises. I knew if he did that, I'd be fine. But, we hadn't spoken in months, what if he said no?

One day I decided to do a blog post called "Memory Lane: Strawberry Jam." (I'm sure you know of it ;) ) I mentioned that a friend taught me how to make strawberry jam, and morphed it into a sermon on fellowship. Something I left out was that Sedric was "my friend's" son. I didn't feel it necessary nor fitting that I mention that little piece of trivia.

The next morning I found a comment... from Sedric, berating me for being a cold hearted person, erasing any piece of him from my life and memory (simply because I didn't mention him in the post.)

My brain nearly exploded. *Mental Rant* "Excuse me? Um, everything I've been doing is for BOTH our goods. The fact I shouldn't be obsessed over you applies just as much in that you shouldn't be obsessed over me. Not to mention that I've been going through living torture nearly EVERYDAY because of YOU. How many nights did I say up and cry because I was praying over you? How many times did I let God pass me by because of you? And you want to call me a cold hearted person?!?"

My rage quickly turned into pity. God was showing me something I needed to see. The answer to my prayers. Sedric was not selfless anymore. He was upset because I decided not to mention his name in a situation. I felt sorry for him because I realized that in the time of my absence he'd changed. I knew I'd changed from the little love-sick maid I used to be. Then it dawned on me. The people that made the promises to each other did not exist anymore. They'd changed. I'd grown into a girl that truly did want God as her all -- not as pretence or requirement. But, in my eyes, Sedric had changed from a strong Godly young man into a selfish, self-righteous person. My promises were now invalid (in my mind at least) and at last I could completely, 100% focus on being open to EVERYONE.

Sedric hardly ever crosses my mind anymore (even as I'm writing this). But whenever he does, I pray for him. Whatever he's doing, whatever he's going through, I pray that God be his light. I pray that Sedric allows God to 100% lead and control his life. I don't have any bitterness towards Sedric, and I hope he doesn't towards me, but I know that I'm chasing God, and that's all I care about.

This concludes my Saga for the moment, but God is always throwing surprises at me :).

Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Monday, July 12, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 8

Chapter 8: In which Promises are Remembered...

I went back and forth between these two states. One day I'd be chasing the Lord with everything that was in my being; the next I'd be wasting away because I missed Sedric so much. My main problem was that I couldn't let go of the promises I made him. I wanted to be able to consider other guys as possible husbands because I wanted to pick the one GOD had planned for me, not the one I wanted to pick out for myself.

I'm a die hard. Once I've declared or promised something I can never go back on it. I just can't make myself break a promise -- I just can't do it! So I needed God to do something to "nullify" my promises. I'd promised Sedric that I'd wait forever for him. But, I had not prayed about it or sought the council of the wise. Now that those promises had been made, I'd trapped myself. To tell the truth, I didn't mind. I still loved Sedric very much, but I wanted to make sure I was allowing God to work to his fullest -- no restraints.

Months went by like this. I wanted to let God do whatever he wanted to do with me, but because of my promises, I'd tied Him down.


Sedric knew I loved him and sometimes he'd visit me after work. I remember those visits were wonderful and horrible all at the same time. I loved the rare occasions that I'd get to spend time with him (we'd go weeks without seeing each other) but I knew I needed to "fall out of love" with him if I were ever going to truly follow God at this stage of my life. The more I saw Sedric the more in (not out) of love I fell. Sometimes I wanted to go up and kiss him because I'd missed him so much. Other times I just wanted to smack him because he was making things so difficult for me.

My Dad was trying to do everything he could to help me. He never let Sedric and I see each other because he knew I was trying to fall out of love. The times I did see Sedric was when he surprised me with a visit.

It took a very long time, but I slowly became more and more willing to do whatever I needed to do in order to become whole in Jesus Christ, and not need the love a guy to make me feel happy. After I left my first job, I knew that there was only one thing still holding me back from God. The promises.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Thursday, July 8, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 7

Chapter 7: In which a heart is sanctified...

I remember the days following the return of the necklace were very difficult for me. I would go days with out eating, just so that I could pray longer. I didn't know what else to do, if I was going to chase after God with all that was in my being I couldn't let anything distract me. I stopped reading anything except for the Bible and I would listen to biblical scholars for hours upon hours. I felt so terrible. I had to learn to put God above everything else in my life, and almost everything was distracting me. I shut myself in my room and just prayed. I didn't want to think about the topic of "love, dating, or relationships." It made me sick to my stomach to even think about it because worse -- far worse in my opinion -- not only had I been deterring myself from following God, but... I had also been distracting Sedric. I knew I was distracting Sedric from his relationship with God. Over and over I would cry and morn over my folly. How could I spiritually harm someone I loved so much? How could I be so despicable? I, who had promised to do everything I could to help and aid him cause him one of the greatest tragedies of all? Distancing him from the great God Almighty?

I did everything I could to avoid thinking about that topic. It hurt too much. It was one of the most painful realizations that I'd ever come to in my entire life. I prayed and prayed that God would heal me and take away my guilt, but much more I prayed for Sedric.

I don't want to sound like I'm prideful or anything, but when it comes to how I treat other people, I want to see that their needs are met above my own. Usually I carry it to the extreme -- one day it will probably be my downfall ;) -- but during the whole time I was praying, I prayed very little for me, "Lord let me concentrate on You," "Let me learn more about You." But, I prayed almost unceasingly for Sedric. Normally I go to bed around 9, but whenever I'd pray for Sedric, it was much closer to 11:30 or midnight. Sometimes I'd even wake up in the middle of the night just to pray for him. I believe all that praying taught me how to talk to God more, and who knows what God used all my prayers for, but when something (even praying or reading your Bible) takes over your life so that you can no longer be the best representative of Christ you can me, it's wrong.

After my time of "sanctification" (as I call it) I felt this rush and surge of joy. No, nothing was going the way I wanted it too, but God has everything under control and He was using everything for his greater purpose. Whatever I was going through was going to be used by God to further his kingdom -- who wouldn't want that? I remember I would keep telling myself, "God first, God first," whenever thoughts of Sedric would come blasting through.

Was I completely healed? No. Was I 100% doing what God wanted me to do? No. But I was seeking God, and at the very least, I was beginning to want God's will over my own. Not only that, but I was willing to WORK at putting God's will over my own -- no matter the cost to my personal dreams.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Thursday, July 1, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 6

Chapter 6: In which more than one heart is torn...

I remember my 17th birthday. I had just gotten my first job as a hostess at a restaurant, and I had decided to take two of my friends shopping. My little sister was coming and we decided to take Sedric's little sister as her companion. When we arrived at the house, I went up and rang the doorbell. Sedric answered and in his hand was a tiny white box.

A gift? For my birthday?

My hands shook as I opened the precious package and revealed the treasure inside. In the box, was the mother of all fantasy necklaces, the silver-white Evenstar. I stood aghast; frozen in shock. How could someone love me so much? I lept onto him, wrapping my arms around his neck and just wanted to stay like that forever...

That necklace became a rallying point to me. A point to put Sedric above God. Thoughts of Sedric consumed me, and this was my idol of him. I wore the necklace constantly and nearly went through cardiac arrest when I didn't.

My father finally took me aside and explained that I was sinning. I was worshiping a man instead of God. The necklace over the Lord. It took me several days, but I finally agreed. I had to be putting God first. I now had something in my possession that I had turned into something evil. Only one thought came to mind. Return it. Dad went to the trouble of setting up the time and date. I remember the seven days prior to the return date I cried almost non-stop. Would Sedric hate me forever? I knew that returning the necklace would be akin to throwing burning oil on him, and the last thing that I ever -- EVER -- wanted to do was hurt him. But I had tainted the gift. I couldn't have it in my possession any longer.

The day came. We sat down at a table. I had the necklace safely tucked into the white box he had presented it to me in.

"Sedric, I'm sorry, but it's too soon for us," neither of us were close to being out of high-school yet, "but, I cannot keep what isn't mine. A gift like this belongs to your wife. Not me." (I probably didn't say it quite like that, I was so beat up inside I could hardly stand it.) He accepted the box without so much as a complaint and that was the last time I saw it.

As soon as I got home I cried again. Out of plain selfish longing. I had gotten so used to that idol I felt like something was missing when it was gone. This caused me to turn to God. He was all I could run to, and the only one who could comfort me. I read his word, studied his principals and prayed my little torn heart out. God was the only thing that was holding me together.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 5

Chapter 5: In which history repeats itself...

As if I didn't learn from my first experience with getting too close to a guy, I started liking one at youth-group, Sedric. We started out as friends. We liked all the same things (to an alarming degree! -- Faerie Princess met a Swordsman!) and we both wanted to further our relationship with God. Our families liked each other -- we even both had younger sisters. We met the spring before my 16th birthday, by the following spring I was almost co-dependent on him.

Sedric was the perfect gentleman -- everyone wanted him. He'd open doors, dish out compliments like candy. He was smart, handsome, "practically perfect in every way." What's more, he liked me -- loved me, and I loved him back. At least we said we did; I now know from my point, I was just trying to grab hold of a premature dream. My love wasn't really "love" but the selfish desire to have my own personal fairy tail, and he happened to be Prince Charming.

We thought we were going the right thing -- or I should say, "I thought," I will take the bulk of the blame as to what happened. Most people wouldn't understand the position we were in; we never kissed each other -- EVER! -- we didn't even hold hands. But, we needed each other like we needed air. We would e-mail each other at least five-ten times a day (and that's when I didn't have my own computer!) and we started spending our time exclusively with each other. I stopped spending time with my friends, their company seemed to pale in comparison to his, and I just couldn't bare to be away from him.


At home I drifted into a shadow life. I slept for nearly 15 hours a day, and the short time that I was awake I'd listen to listless music or sit under a tree outside. I don't believe I did anything for about six moths except wilt and fade into a wraith of what I had been. I only left my secret places to eat, then I'd quickly retreat to sleep. Up to this point I'd maintained an almost perfect grade point average, now I literally flunked one of my Chemistry tests.

My father was no fool as to what was going on. He saw what I was doing to myself and tried to put a stop to it... he pulled me out of youth-group. I thought I'd die when he did that. How could I live not even seening Sedric one day a week? I hated my dad; now I see how much for my good it was.


I'll never forget how, strange it was for me the day I started attending my new youth-group -- the one I still attend now. I'd always been the "prefect girl" nothing had ever been wrong in my family. I'd never had to make any prayer requests because there simply never was anything wrong... This time, my life was in tatters, I couldn't stand being home with my parents, and more than once I'd made plans to leave home.

The way this church was organized was to take groups of five - ten people (of the same gender) and place them in groups with a mentor. One you got in a group, you'd stay with them until you graduated. I remember when I got in my group as the noobie. I had all the head knowledge, but when she asked us for prayer requests, I had to fight to keep from bursting into tears right there in the church (for those of you who don't know, I do NOT cry... like ever!)

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Friday, June 25, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 4

Chapter 4: In which some growth is shown...

Well, after that, I started getting more involved in youth group. I went every Wednesday and whenever there were special hang-outs, I'd go. I started getting very into preparing for my future husband also. I practiced sewing, cooking, cleaning (and hundreds of my other dabbling projects). I also read whatever material I could get my hands on on the subject.

God also started stirring in my heart. I slowly got more apt at reading my Bible, steadily reading a chapter a day and journaling about it later. I started listening to my dad's library of theologians, and I started praying more. At youth-group, about five of us started meeting before and after the lesson for fellowship and discussion. That was one of the best times of my life.

Coming from a Mediterranean family, our lives revolve around friends, family and food! I made it a point that whenever I'd go to youth, I'd bring something for us to share (cookies to be precise ;) ). We would gather in a small room in the church or in the gazebo outside and encourage and pray for each other. After lessons, we'd take our notes and discuss how we could best apply it to our lives.

During this time I got to watch people grow. My family had at last bought a house and solemnly promised to not move anymore; thus, I had been stationary for about 4 years. I watched the children I baby-sat grow up, and I saw the people at youth discern their paths.

School (home-school to be exact) was still a very large part of my life, not only that, but I was also teaching my younger sister. Everything stayed pretty steady, but still, I was not chasing after God with all of my heart. I was testing Him out, and seeking Him more, but I still had something a head and shoulders above God... Mr. Right.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Thursday, June 24, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 3

Chapter 3: In which God shows His divine protection...

So, everything is starting to go a little crazy. I'm depressed, lonely and worst of all, distant -- very distant -- from God. I had been taking Martial arts for a while when my friend Liz* (also a martial arts student) told me about her youth group. It was small, friendly and she would be more than happy to introduce me to people.

I've always gone to mega churches. The kind of churches that have a minimum of 5,000 members, so going to a little church of 150 people was a novelty. Out of desperation and the slim hope that I'd be welcome, I went. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. Don't get me wrong, I love my Sunday-Super-Church, but the intimate fellowship with only 20 other youth was amazing.

Slowly I started coming out of my shell. The youth pastor strongly encouraged pursuing God on your own and after several months of Wednesday-night attendance, I decided to attempt reading the Bible each morning. My self-resolve, however was weak, and I'd drop in and out of reading.

At home we had joined a cell group. Several families would get together, have a lesson, share a meal and fellowship. But, everywhere I went I would almost hungrily look for possible husbands. There was one family that was a part of cell group that had a trio of sons, one of which I took a strong liking too, Ben*. He was just as much of a fantasy freak as I was. He collected books on faeries and was an amazing artist. Sure, he had a plethora of beliefs that I didn't agree with -- not to mention he was a full decade older than me, and I was 15 at the time.

We started hanging out together in cell group, discussing and debating out different ideas about faeries. Later we started e-mailing each other (Note to the reader, this is always a VERY dangerous habit to pick up with someone of the opposite gender!) He would confide in me his prayer requests and I started making his e-mails the highlight of my day.

Little did I notice what was starting to happen. All I thought about was him. His e-mails became precious to me, and the more I talked to him, the more I excused and over-looked the problems I had with his beliefs. Ben was super sweet, and one of the few people that I met that loved fantasy as much as I did.

I thoroughly believe that what God did next was for my protection. There was a large disagreement between our families; shortly after, he left cell group. Even though I was turning a blind side to God, He was still protecting me. If that wasn't enough, God quickly healed my heart and any attachments that I had toward Ben* so that I didn't miss him and was able to refocus my life.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 2

Chapter 2: In which a selfish decision was made...

As I was saying, I steeped myself in fantasy. I used to say, "Drown your worries and woe in a world that doesn't exist." With such incessant hammering, something had to give. Shortly after my 13th birthday I made a decision -- All the fair maidens, all the great ladies, all the heroins, and every other girl to prance across the pages of a novel had one un-wavering characteristic in common... a guy. Shortly after my 13th birthday I screamed at God that I didn't care what it took, how He did it, or what I had to do, I had to have a prince.

Talk about selfish, huh? There I was, not even out of middle school, and I was demanding that God send me a husband, NOW! In the back of my mind I knew that if God complied to my demands there would be the biggest disaster since Archduke Prince Ferdinand was assassinated! -- but what did I care? I knew what I wanted and I wanted it right away.

I prayed that prayer often, "I don't care what you do, God, send him. And send him now!" but I kept all my thoughts to myself. I am firmly "anit-dating." What I mean is, I never want to date. If you date, that's your business, but I don't want to date -- it's that simple. My parents are in full (and encouraging) agreement. (I'll post my reasons in a completely different post.) With that in mind, I was terrified what would happen if my family found out what I was thinking. Married at 13? Sheer balderdash! Regardless, I kindled and re-kindled my selfish hopes and desires to find my "prince charming" and become Mrs. Charming, all before I graduated high-school.

With all of this imagining going on, I had no social life. I didn't have any friends -- except for the ones I had in books -- and it began to wear on me to an immeasurable degree. I had no friends, all I ever did -- or wanted to do -- was read. I slowly withdrew from my family because I felt so lonely. Odd if you think about it, how when you feel lonely, you want to be alone...

All this time, God was sitting on the back burner. "God? Ptch! I know all the lines, what do I really need Him for?" were my thoughts. I thought that I knew everything from listening to my dad. Everyone I met at all the different youth-groups I tried were fakes and phonies -- nobody that I really wanted anything to do with. My downward spiral into depression was accelerating, and I refused to do anything about it except sit at my bedroom window and stare out, hoping that my prince would come and rescue me from my loneliness.

All that time I could have been using for God. I wasted so many hours upon hours that I could have used helping people. All that time I could have been involved in Church or reading my Bible, but my selfishness and pride would have none of it. I isolated myself from the world so that my loneliness was 100% self-inflicted. I could have done so much, but I refused to do anything, and so my life became miserable.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
 
Princess
of the
Lily White Rose
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