I went over 5 months without seeing or
hearing from Sedric. As more time passed the more "whole" I felt. I didn't need Sedric to feel like having a good time nor did I waist endless hours doing nothing but thinking about him. I wasn't perfect, though, I still missed him a lot! But I was becoming more and more willing (and able) to do whatever I felt God calling me to do (or even just hanging around for fun with my friends.)Now I was getting ready for college orientation. I planned on going to a Christian college, and I knew I was going to meet a lot of SUPER Godly, Christian guys. But still in the back of my mind I had difficulty accepting the fact that one of those other guys might be my husband. I prayed and prayed that God would do something to take away the bindingness of my promises to Sedric. As orientation drew nearer and nearer I felt that I might have to do the forbidden... I thought I might have to call up Sedric and ask him to release me from the promises. I knew if he did that, I'd be fine. But, we hadn't spoken in months, what if he said no?
One day I decided to do a blog post called "Memory Lane: Strawberry Jam." (I'm sure you know of it ;) ) I mentioned that a friend taught me how to make strawberry jam, and morphed it into a sermon on fellowship. Something I left out was that Sedric was "my friend's" son. I didn't feel it necessary nor fitting that I mention that little piece of trivia.
The next morning I found a comment... from Sedric, berating me for being a cold hearted person, erasing any piece of him from my life and memory (simply because I didn't mention him in the post.)
My brain nearly exploded. *Mental Rant* "Excuse me? Um, everything I've been doing is for BOTH our goods. The fact I shouldn't be obsessed over you applies just as much in that you shouldn't be obsessed over me. Not to mention that I've been going through living torture nearly EVERYDAY because of YOU. How many nights did I say up and cry because I was praying over you? How many times did I let God pass me by because of you? And you want to call me a cold hearted person?!?"
My rage quickly turned into pity. God was showing me something I needed to see. The answer to my prayers. Sedric was not selfless anymore. He was upset because I decided not to mention his name in a situation. I felt sorry for him because I realized that in the time of my absence he'd changed. I knew I'd changed from the little love-sick maid I used to be. Then it dawned on me. The people that made the promises to each other did not exist anymore. They'd changed. I'd grown into a girl that truly did want God as her all -- not as pretence or requirement. But, in my eyes, Sedric had changed from a strong Godly young man into a selfish, self-righteous person. My promises were now invalid (in my mind at least) and at last I could completely, 100% focus on being open to EVERYONE.Sedric hardly ever crosses my mind anymore (even as I'm writing this). But whenever he does, I pray for him. Whatever he's doing, whatever he's going through, I pray that God be his light. I pray that Sedric allows God to 100% lead and control his life. I don't have any bitterness towards Sedric, and I hope he doesn't towards me, but I know that I'm chasing God, and that's all I care about.
This concludes my Saga for the moment, but God is always throwing surprises at me :).
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
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