Thinking in Poetry

I dug up this old poem from one of my journals. This came from an entry in 2010 -- a time when I had just emerged from my first great trial. This trial taught me the first step in listening to God: read His Word and obey.

Greatest Lord, who loves me so --
You love me more than hearts doth know.
You care for me and love me and show me the way to go.
Your care is gentle and steady -- as the wind's constant blow.

Everything I could need is at Your command:
Wants, hopes, dreams, and the bravery to stand.
You will never run out; You will never run dry, and
I know everything goes exactly the way You planned.

Your name is great and mighty, Lord.
None can stand againast You, not the mightiest hord!
Your justice and mercy sweep across the board --
For every knee must bow and tongue confess, You are Lord.

Let hearts not deny -- let Your glory dome down!
Let me be captive in Yours ways -- in Your grace let me drown.
Live in me, O Lord, see how I have grown.
May You be seen in me -- not an unscrupulous clown.

All nature is poised to do as You say,
And my only heart's desire is to show You that I obey.
May those who seek You from day-to-day
Find Your grace and know, "Jesus is the Way."

You provide for me, Lord, all that I need.
All in Your portion, be it bread, water or seed.
Those who ask You, surely You shall feed
So that I and my family may go and do Your deed.

All Things Work Together

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose. -- Romans 8:28, ESV

     I've been reflecting on the events that have happened in my life... most of them were good (if we are speaking in terms of quantity) but many of them were bad also (speaking in terms of quality). The good things were frequent, but often short. The bad things were rare, but very, very potent. But both of these types of events God has used to equip me for life.

     Before I go further, I would like to clarify somethings:

First: Just because God works all things together for the good does NOT give us the right to become complacent or apathetic to His will. We must actively pursue righteousness and God's specific will for our lives. Also, it does not give us the right to give God "our worst." By that I mean, not doing our best for the Lord; instead, we give Him the ugliest sins we can muster simply because we didn't try or care to give God something better to work with. Paul vehemently opposes this mentality when he says:

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? -- Romans 6:1-2, NASB

Second: Many times, we call our difficulties trials. This can be true, but there are many different kinds of trials -- somethings God allows because they make us stronger, somethings are direct attacks from the enemy -- yet another opportunity to grow -- but all to often, the things we call trials are nothing more than consequences. I DO NOT mean that every bad thing that happens in our lives is a consequence of our actions; allow me to illustrate.
     A teenage girl decides to rebel against her parents and has sex outside of marriage. She becomes pregnant. Is her pregnancy a trial? Answer: No. She is suffering the consequences of her actions. Can God forgive her? YES! Can God use this event for good? Yes, but only if she repents and seeks the will of the Lord in her life.
     A man with a wife and four children loses his home in a foreclosure. He and his wife are positive that God called them to live in that home. They were also wise stewards of their money -- not spending it foolishly or frivolously. Is the foreclosure a trial? Answer: Yes. Since the family and, hopefully, a godly council of elders, were working together, praying and seeking the will of the Lord, the loss of the home is a trial meant to strengthen the family. Does this make it easy? NO! Does this make it feel better? Probably not. But God wants us to grow closer to Him, few things do this better than times of difficulty.

     With this framework in place, I am going to share with you something that God has shown me in how He has worked the negative things in my life together for the good.

     Most of my hardships were self-inflicted. I chose not to obey or seek a closer relationship with God; this resulted in long periods of grief and pain. But, God did not forget His daughter. He has shown me how He chose to use those periods of rebellion as times of growth.

     I was sixteen years old when I became engaged. It wasn't a formal engagement, but it was no less real. I truly thought that this was my purpose. I HAD to get married. I HAD to become a wife. I HAD to become a mother, and I had to do it as soon as possible because I thought I had no purpose in life other than marriage. God through His grace and mercy rescued me from this dilution, but He did  more than that: through that time I learned how to read my Bible. I knew, in the midst of everything, I wanted to do what God wanted me to do. I learned how to seek God through His Word daily. It was through this daily devotion that I eventually broke off the engagement -- knowing that it wasn't right for me.

     I was nineteen years old when I got engaged a second time. I remember watching him get down on one knee and propose with the ring I had picked out. I knew that I was rushing everything. I knew God did not want me to get married yet, but I wanted to know when -- and I wanted "when" to be "now." Although I was not obeying or listening to the voice of the Lord, God still did not forget His daughter. In spite of everything I was doing, God worked it for the good: I learned how to pray. I knew I needed to know what God wanted me to do when or if I was going to get married. It was through this passionate pursuit of prayer that eventually brought me to break off the engagement.

     These are just two of the many events in my life that have equipped me to become a stronger Christian, but I would argue that these are the two most important and beautiful. God took two heartbreaking, rebellious, self-inflicted consequences and used them to be periods of spiritual growth. I learned how to read my Bible and how to pray -- the two most important aspects of the Christian's walk with Christ!

     Today, I look back and see how these two learned traits have helped me. I have been able to speak into people's lives and pray in a clear, real way. I know that God hears me, and I know that God speaks to me through His Word. I am so blessed because God works all things together for the good, but He has equipped me to be able to do more and better than I ever thought possible. I know God has so many grand and beautiful things in my future as long as I continually surrender my will for His and seek His face.

There is nothing we can't face...

The battle is not ours
     We look to God above
For He will guide us safely through
     And guard us with His love.

So do not be afraid.
     We need not run and hide,
For there is nothing we can't face
      When God is at our side

     It is easy for me to see how God uses different circumstances to make us into the people He wants us to be. We are promised:

... that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NASB)

     The bad things, the good things, the less than perfect actions, the more than terrible events, the mistakes, the successes... Everything! God works everything into an opportunity to bring Him glory. Understand, this does NOT give us the right to do whatever we want in whatever manner we choose:

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! (Romans 6:1-2a NASB, emphasis added)

     God commands us to be the absolute best we can be, BUT this does not mean we can be (or even should try to be) perfect. Perfection is reserved for God alone, but as Christians we are to do everything within our abilities to become as Christ-like as possible.

     This is a concept that I understand well. The Lord has granted me a strong faith; so, believing His promises to be true is very natural for me. What I am just learning, and struggling with, is humility. I want to do so much for God, but for whatever reasons, He is choosing not to allow me the opportunities that I want. My struggle is being content with the abilities and resources God has given me. There is so much that I want to do and that I want to be -- I want to grow and reach more people for the glory of God -- BUT that is not always God's way.

     We are to become less so that Christ can become more. If we are constantly preoccupied with how much "range" we have as Christians, we have lost our focus. God has created each and every one of us unique and with a special, specific purpose. He has intricately designed you to do something for His kingdom. This may be something that, by earthly standards, is very, very small; however, doing something small unto the glory and obedience of God is of infinite worth to Him. All the glory, money or prestige of the world is worthless if it is not in obedience to the will of God.

     God uses everything: "good" events and "bad" events, but He also uses people: great big billionaires and little tiny elementary schoolers. There is nothing "too big" or "too small" that God cannot or does not use to further His glory. We may never know in this life all of the little things we did that brought honor to the Kingdom of God, but God sees EVERYTHING, and He uses EVERYTHING for His good.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV)

     God uses the weak and the strong. In fact, in weakness, God is more clearly made known and His glory is more readily seen.

Psalm 139:13-14 NIV

For you created my inmost being;

     you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

     your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

     God created you intentionally. We live in a sinful world, depraved and full of imperfections, but God knew you and designed you before the world was made. He knew everything you would do and everything you would be. To be discontent with the resources and abilities God has given you is to shake your fist at God and say, "God, you made a mistake." The world is broken because of sin, but God has provided a way out. He has given us new purpose and new hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

     And in His will we are unstoppable!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Psalm 13

     I don't think I've ever shared any of my personal favorites when it comes to Bible verses. Here is my absolute favorite Psalm. I remember memorizing it for a contest at youth group. The pastor challenged the youth to memorize an entire chapter of the Bible -- pointing specifically to the Psalms. I was one of only five people out of the fifty to seventy-five member youth group who took on the challenge (I wish I could say I participated out of noble motives, but the pastor had promised food as a reward). I chose this Psalm because it seemed an appropriate length -- not too short and not too long.

     I think it was four years (or so) later that this Psalm really began to impact my life. I had been going through some dark spiritual struggles. Everything in the world seemed stacked against me; people I trusted were betraying me; I felt trapped by life. What made it worse? Whenever I prayed, it felt like God wasn't listening to me. I remember crying out and feeling like there was no point to praying other than God commanding it. But, I remembered this Psalm:

Psalm 13

¹ How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

² How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

  

³ Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

⁵ But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

⁶ I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

     No matter how dark and attacked I felt, I knew God was faithful. I didn't FEEL it emotionally, but I KNEW it technically. Coupling this knowledge with the facts that God cannot lie, and God cannot forsake His children meant that God saw my pain and was with me the whole time. It certainly didn't feel like that was what was going on, but I knew God was putting me in that position for a reason. My job was to simply trust that God was (and is) bigger and smarter than me and to trust that He knew what was best for me.

     Now, several years later, I can look back and see how that was a period of growth for me. I would not be the woman I am now if it was not for that time of testing. I learned how to trust God no matter what my emotions are telling me. I learned how to pray -- and I mean really pray! -- to God about what is going on around me. I also learned how to have a personal devotion with God -- up until that point I had never spent time reading the Bible for myself. These are priceless traits that God taught me through those bleak times.

     May this be an encouragement to you in your dark hours. There are many other Psalms like this and many more that have completely different feels and purposes. What's your favorite Psalm? Share it in the comments below!

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

     "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

     These are some of the most famous words in literature geek-dom. The opening lines to The Hobbit are well-loved and well-remembered. However, does anyone know how this phrase came into existence? I was talking with my English Professor and he gave me the story:

     Tolkien was a professor at Pembroke College. One afternoon, while he was grading papers, a random line popped into his head, and he scribbled it at the top of one of the papers he was grading: "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit." Tolkien did not know what a hobbit was. He did not know why the hobbit was living in the ground. He simply thought the line sounded interesting and wrote it down. It was sometime later that Tolkien sat down to create a story around this mysterious creature living in the ground.

     What does this mean? I remember my professor telling me this story, and, as he spoke, I began wondering if I could apply this to my life. Sometimes random stuff floats around and somehow bumps into us. Other times, we find ourselves doing things, and we don't quite know why. Some people have a particular inclination or desire that has been verily born into them, but they don't know for what reason or for what purpose. Once in a while a sudden urge or idea will come upon us, and we will have no idea from whence it came or how we're supposed to react. It can often feel as though life is just a bunch of strange incidents, feelings and oddities -- none of which make sense. Sometimes we feel lost in a great big world of storms and raging winds; not knowing if we are to remain grounded during the storm or if we are to allow ourselves to be taken by the currents. Sometimes we feel like failures doing nothing original, having no ideas of our own, seeming to have no talents or skills to offer the world.

    BUT... the world is much bigger than it at first may seem. This is not something that should strike fear into the heart of any Christian, for, if the world is so large is not our GOD larger still? God is the one who created us. He is the one who knew before the foundations of the earth were laid what your name was going to be. What your favorite color was going to be. What you'd enjoy, hate, love, loathe. He designed you with an intricate purpose. AND since He knew everything you would think and do before you were born, He has decided to use everything you have gone through and everything you think you're unworthy of accomplishing to enhance His glory and His kingdom AND to draw you into a closer relationship with Him.

    That's a pretty big God.

     What makes life difficult is understanding conceptually how big and powerful God is but not TRULY living this belief through every fiber of our being. This was a huge struggle that I had battled for years. What made it impossible for me to truly understand was my belief that I had gone through so much and done so many things that if I couldn't conceive of an alternative, an alternative couldn't exist. This is a plague for many who are intellectually or experiencially gifted. I can look back now and see how silly this belief was: me, a tiny human being, who though that I could understand the depths of God and complain that His actions were either unfair or unreasonable. I fell for the deception: "it cannot get any better than this" -- especially concerning my relationships. Since I could not conceive of any man being as good or better than the guy I was looking at, a better guy could not exist. I had been so many places and seen so many people, I thought I knew best.

     I was wrong.

     But God in His mercy uses everything for His glory if we are willing to obey Him. Some things don't make any sense. Sometimes we feel like shaking our fists at God, wondering why He has decided to put us in these circumstances. BUT God is so much bigger than anything we can imagine! And just because we may not receive full understanding in this life does not mean we will not receive full understanding in the presence of God in heaven.

     I am aware that this doesn't always make us "feel" better in the midst of our hardships and shortcomings. But day by day, minute by minute, moment by moment, this is something we can take comfort in: God is bigger and smarter than us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -- Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

     If this is a struggle for you, the best advice I can give is that this is a moment by moment battle. Any time you feel the weight of hopelessness or uselessness crushing upon you, pray. Carry a pocket Bible with you and read it whenever the wave hits you. Again, this is a moment by moment struggle. At 7:39AM you can be sitting on top of the world, but at 7:41AM you can be so deep in the depths of despair there seems to be no light at all. TAKE COURAGE! No matter what your feelings are, God remains true. Prayers and Scripture readings will help you align yourself with Him, and in the end, isn't that the whole goal?

Who You Are

     My last post began with a very short, rant-like paragraph on how I wasn't going to talk about "true beauty." I felt a little bit bad about that =D ; so, I decided to show two these videos that I think are AMAZING at explain who you are in God's eyes. It's also a really good "pump up" speech if you're having a down day ;)

The first one is for GUYS:

The second one is for GIRLS:

     I was having some trouble getting these to play on my computer; so, if you were also, the titles of these videos are: "Who You Are: A Message To All Guys" and "Who You Are: A Message To All Girls."

Trial By Fire

     Unfortunately there are times when our circumstances feel completely out of control. No matter which way we turn, there is another obstacle -- another hardship. To make everything worse, one feels as though there will never be a moment of rest. The small gaps in between difficulties feel more like tense waiting, rather than a respite. It's almost like a "bad news/worse news" scenario. I'm the type of person that wants to "hurry-up and get it over with"; so, these periods of waiting are particularly difficult for me.

     Yet, God is with us. Much to our dismay, He may even be the one who put us in the trial (though more often, it is we who put ourselves there.) The thing to keep in mind is the purpose of existence: to bring glory to God. No matter what our circumstances are, we're to bring glory to God. There are other benefits as well: a stronger character, the ability to help others, a better relationship with God...

     For each person the test will be different. Different people will have different areas with which they struggle; therefore, what might be a trial for one may only be an inconvenience for another. An area with which I have trouble is maintaining my relationship with God. I struggle with being consistent in my prayer and devotions -- I'll do it every day for 2 months then not at all for the following month. The way God keeps me on track is to place me in situations that I cannot cope with on my own. Unpleasant for me, but the reward of growing closer to God is unfathomable.

    One of the most difficult parts of trials is this: if you don't learn what God wanted you to learn the first go around, God will send you through a second time. And a third time -- until you become what He wants you to be. I and so many know this from experience. Some of the "valley of the shadow of death" 's that I had to go through were because I didn't listen to God the first time.

     BUT be encouraged. No matter how difficult your life is, and no matter how little rest you receive in this life there is a reward awaiting us in Heaven. Each time
we as Christians go through something difficult -- and bring glory to God through it -- we are granted eternal rewards that will NEVER fade. This life is only temporary -- fleeting -- but God is FOREVER.