My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 7

Chapter 7: In which a heart is sanctified...

I remember the days following the return of the necklace were very difficult for me. I would go days with out eating, just so that I could pray longer. I didn't know what else to do, if I was going to chase after God with all that was in my being I couldn't let anything distract me. I stopped reading anything except for the Bible and I would listen to biblical scholars for hours upon hours. I felt so terrible. I had to learn to put God above everything else in my life, and almost everything was distracting me. I shut myself in my room and just prayed. I didn't want to think about the topic of "love, dating, or relationships." It made me sick to my stomach to even think about it because worse -- far worse in my opinion -- not only had I been deterring myself from following God, but... I had also been distracting Sedric. I knew I was distracting Sedric from his relationship with God. Over and over I would cry and morn over my folly. How could I spiritually harm someone I loved so much? How could I be so despicable? I, who had promised to do everything I could to help and aid him cause him one of the greatest tragedies of all? Distancing him from the great God Almighty?

I did everything I could to avoid thinking about that topic. It hurt too much. It was one of the most painful realizations that I'd ever come to in my entire life. I prayed and prayed that God would heal me and take away my guilt, but much more I prayed for Sedric.

I don't want to sound like I'm prideful or anything, but when it comes to how I treat other people, I want to see that their needs are met above my own. Usually I carry it to the extreme -- one day it will probably be my downfall ;) -- but during the whole time I was praying, I prayed very little for me, "Lord let me concentrate on You," "Let me learn more about You." But, I prayed almost unceasingly for Sedric. Normally I go to bed around 9, but whenever I'd pray for Sedric, it was much closer to 11:30 or midnight. Sometimes I'd even wake up in the middle of the night just to pray for him. I believe all that praying taught me how to talk to God more, and who knows what God used all my prayers for, but when something (even praying or reading your Bible) takes over your life so that you can no longer be the best representative of Christ you can me, it's wrong.

After my time of "sanctification" (as I call it) I felt this rush and surge of joy. No, nothing was going the way I wanted it too, but God has everything under control and He was using everything for his greater purpose. Whatever I was going through was going to be used by God to further his kingdom -- who wouldn't want that? I remember I would keep telling myself, "God first, God first," whenever thoughts of Sedric would come blasting through.

Was I completely healed? No. Was I 100% doing what God wanted me to do? No. But I was seeking God, and at the very least, I was beginning to want God's will over my own. Not only that, but I was willing to WORK at putting God's will over my own -- no matter the cost to my personal dreams.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9