As if I didn't learn from my first experience with
getting too close to a guy, I started liking one at youth-group, Sedric. We started out as friends. We liked all the same things (to an alarming degree! -- Faerie Princess met a Swordsman!) and we both wanted to further our relationship with God. Our families liked each other -- we even both had younger sisters. We met the spring before my 16th birthday, by the following spring I was almost co-dependent on him.Sedric was the perfect gentleman -- everyone wanted him. He'd open doors, dish out compliments like candy. He was smart, handsome, "practically perfect in every way." What's more, he liked me -- loved me, and I loved him back. At least we said we did; I now know from my point, I was just trying to grab hold of a premature dream. My love wasn't really "love" but the selfish desire to have my own personal fairy tail, and he happened to be Prince Charming.
We thought we were going the right thing -- or I should say, "I thought," I will take the bulk of the blame as to what happened. Most people wouldn't understand the position we were in; we never kissed each other -- EVER! -- we didn't even hold hands. But, we needed each other like we needed air. We would e-mail each other at least five-ten times a day (and that's when I didn't have my own computer!) and we started spending our time exclusively with each other. I stopped spending time with my friends, their company seemed to pale in comparison to his, and I just couldn't bare to be away from him.
At home I drifted into a shadow life. I slept for nearly 15 hours a day, and the short time that I was awake I'd listen to listless music or sit under a tree outside. I don't believe I did anything for about six moths except wilt and fade into a wraith of what I had been. I only left my secret places to eat, then I'd quickly retreat to sleep. Up to this point I'd maintained an almost perfect grade point average, now I literally flunked one of my Chemistry tests.
My father was no fool as to what was going on. He saw what I was doing to myself and tried to put a stop to it... he pulled me out of youth-group. I thought I'd die when he did that. How could I live not even seening Sedric one day a week? I hated my dad; now I see how much for my good it was.
I'll never forget how,
strange it was for me the day I started attending my new youth-group -- the one I still attend now. I'd always been the "prefect girl" nothing had ever been wrong in my family. I'd never had to make any prayer requests because there simply never was anything wrong... This time, my life was in tatters, I couldn't stand being home with my parents, and more than once I'd made plans to leave home.The way this church was organized was to take groups of five - ten people (of the same gender) and place them in groups with a mentor. One you got in a group, you'd stay with them until you graduated. I remember when I got in my group as the noobie. I had all the head knowledge, but when she asked us for prayer requests, I had to fight to keep from bursting into tears right there in the church (for those of you who don't know, I do NOT cry... like ever!)
To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
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