Define...

So, this morning I was doing a little project for my devotional time. I'm going through 1Chronicles and those super LONG BORING genealogies (blah, the son of blahblah, the son of blahblahblah!) Well, I know that every part of the Bible is important so there I was trying NOT to sleep through my way through the first chapters of 1Chronicles when Dad gave me an idea: for each name write down the definitions and make a list...

Adam -- man
Seth -- appointed
Enosh -- human

and so on. I thought that'd be pretty cool (if you want to try, here's the site I used for definitions) and off I went!

I go down a couple verses and something jumped out at me (odd, considering it was a genealogy.) This may get a little technical, so I'll try to break it down...

(1Chronicles 1:8-10)
"The sons of Ham were Cush, Mizraim, Put, and Canaan. The sons of Cush were Seba, Havilah, Sabta, Raama and Sabteca; and the sons of Raamah were Sheba and Dedan. Cush became the father of Nimrod; he began to be a mighty one in the earth."

Something funny struck me about Cush. (Remember, Ham was one of Noah's three sons? And you might remember that Nimrod build the tower of Babel.) It starts out saying that Cush is Ham's son. Nothing funny there. Then it says who Cush's sons are and moves on to Raama(h)'s sons. Nothing odd their either. BUT, then we go back -- it's like God wanted to add a footnote -- to Cush. I know that doesn't sound like much right now, but just wait.

I thought that that was a little bit weird considering that hadn't happened in the previous names, so I decided to pay a little extra attention to it. Instead of just writing down names and definitions, I decided to keep everything in the sentence.

(Before translating 1Chronicles 1:10)
"Cush became the father of Nimrod; he began to be a mighty one in the earth."

(After)
Darkness became the father of Rebellion; he began to be a mighty one in the earth."

Whoa! Like... WOW! When I saw that, I nearly jumped out of my clothes! Nimrod rebelled against God and built the Tower of Babel, but not only that, MANY people followed him. Rebellion became a "mighty one in the earth" And rebellion is surely the child of darkness.

As it turns out, this turns up EVERYWHERE in the genealogies. The definitions turn the names into sentences (I'll probably post more later.) I strongly encourage you to toy with this -- if only to make reading the son-of's more interesting ;)

Chicken or the Egg?

I just saw one of those "un-answerable questions" and I felt the urge to tell the world that I know the answer to the age old question, "the chicken or the egg?"

Ready?

SINCE God created the world and everything in it, He created both the chicken and the egg.

(Genesis 1:20) "Then God said, 'Let the waters teem with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth in the open expanse of the heavens.'"

Chickens are birds, so we will group them with the birds (no brainer.) Therefor God directly created the chicken -- not the egg first.

This is a rather trivial question. What's important is that we know God created everything! He's in control of the world -- whether we like it or not. And we can get blessings by working with Him or curses by working against Him.

I for one want to be blessed. So here's the REAL question: How can I know if I'm working with or against God?

#1. Are you praying in accordance to his will?

That question sounds a lot harder than it actually is. To pray in accordance with God's will simply means that when you pray, "Thy will be done," you really mean it! If you want to go to NYC and become a supermodle and you pray, "They will be done," you have to be okay with the fact God might want you to scrub floors in a hospital in South Africa. Not that everything is always that "extreme" but we have to understand that if we REALLY want God to do His will, we've got to be okay with wherever He puts us, whenever He puts us there.

#2. (Do I really have to say this?) Are you being the best example of Jesus Christ that you can be?

WWJD I'm sure everyone remembers that from our 3rd grade Sunday School classes. But that acronym has many more ramifications than it is given. When Jesus saw people selling in the temple, he took the time to braid His own whip to drive them out (and who says Christian shouldn't get involved in the military!) When Jesus was eating with sinners, none of them felt scared or judged, rather, they loved Him. Now our big question is, are we behaving in the same way Jesus did? Do we "love the sinner, hate the sin," or do we wrap everything together and hate the sinner too? Do we allow people to walk all over out beliefs, or do we stand up and fight for what we know is right?

Those two points pretty much round everything off. Pray so that you know what to do, then behave in the best manner as you do it. (Told you it was pretty simple.) The hards part of all, however, is... You have to do this every moment of every day. Live the life. Sure, we makes mistakes and fail all the time, but as my youth pastor once said:

"Imagine life as a race. All of us Christians are running to the finish line (heaven). Don't run just to finish, run like you're gong to win. If you run like you're going to win, you'll try a lot harder than if you're just running to finish."

Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

("Motions" by Matthew West.)

I really like this song (even though it is totally out of my music genre). When I hear those words it makes me want to stand up and fight! It inspires me because I know that I do not want to go through "Christian Motions" -- no, I want to live Christ with every fiber of my being! As I like to say, "It is not me, but Christ IN me."

I was praying last night and I was feeling weak and insignificant. I started just talking to God...

"Lord, I feel so small. I feel like I don't mean anything..." I prayed, as I did, thoughts started filling my head, kinda like God was talking back to me.

"Well, aren't you small?" the thought came.
"No! I'm not supposed to be am I?"
"Are you?"
"Well... yes, I am small."
"Yes you are. Now that that's out of the way, what should come next?"
"Next? What do you mean?"
"We have established that you are tiny and helpless. Right?"
"Yes, I am helpless, there's nothing in me that is mighty."
"Yes and no. You of yourself are weak and helpless, but I AM in you aren't I?"
"Yes you are. You're HUGE! You made the world and everything in it!"
"Yes I did. And I AM in you. The less YOU you put in my way the more I can shine through you."
"I see. So, You are strong in me, even more so when I'm weak. Right?"
"You got it."
"Well then, Lord, I need You to be strong in me right now, and carry me through because I am too weak of myself to do it."
"Christine."
"Yes?"
"I've been here the whole time."

Our problem so often is that we pray to God, but forget to let him take the reins. We say, "Oh Lord, help me!" then go off and do our own thing. The most difficult part of prayer is really TRULY allowing God to consume us, to the point where people can't see "us" anymore but "God in us." That is why my motto is "Be the best example of Jesus Christ that you can possibly be." After that point God takes care of everything else -- literally!

But, that step is so frightening. Like Matthew West put it, "This might hurt, it's not safe." A lot of times doing what God asks it terrifying -- think of all the things he asked the men of the Bible to do! -- but no matter what God says, we have to obey because it serves his greater glory. Too often we ask God, "Why? Why are You doing this to me?" but as humans, we don't deserve anything. We deserve to burn in hell; so a much better question would be, "Why not? Why does anything good ever happen to me?"

Knowing how shortsighted even the wisest of humans are, I'm so glad God has my fate in His hands. I'd mess everything up (and quite often I do, be getting in God's way to me.) By far, the best life to live is the one where you allow God to do whatever He wants with you. Trust me when I say that you'll be AMAZED at how He works everything for the good.

Taking the Census

So with it being 2010 the government decided to take a census of the population. Here is my experience with it. I would like like to quote a section of our "Constitution of the United States of America"...

Article 1; Section 2

(Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.) (The previous sentence in parentheses was modified by the 14th Amendment, section 2.) The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to chuse three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five and Georgia three.

Let's narrow that lot a bit so I get get to the meat of the issue...

"Enumeration"

That was easy wasn't it? So, the government is allowed to "enumerate" the population once every ten years. Let's look at what the word "enumerate" means...

e·nu·mer·ate
–verb (used with object), -at·ed, -at·ing.
1. to mention separately as if in counting; name one by one; specify, as in a list: Let me enumerate the many flaws in your hypothesis.
2. to ascertain the number of; count.

So, our government is allowed to count the population -- as in one, two three, the end!

With that in mind we -- under the Constitution -- are ONLY REQUIRED to state the unber of people within our households. (Now to the actual story.)

My father, being the leader of the house, received his copy of the census and answered the only question Constitutionally required (the number of persons in his home). He wrote down then number 4 and mailed the census back, all other questions blank. Several weeks later (just a few days ago now) a person who was part of the census bureau came knocking on our door. Dad answered it and the lady proceeded to ask him questions. My father politely stated the facts to here, the only thing he was required to give was the number of people in his house -- four. Not even his name or the names of the persons are required.

The lady was quite flustered and stated that if he -- my dad -- did not give the information to her someone else would come. Dad staunchly stood on his rights and refused to give out any personal information.

What in the world is the government trying to do by taking ALL of our personal information??? What business do they have with my social security number? my salary? my bill information? my personal setup? my standards of living? or whatever other questions they could possibly come up with?

My family has desided to stand upon our Constitutional right to NOT give out our personal information to strangers! -- yes my friends, I consider any government employee a stranger! We do not have to stand for giving up our personal information! Stand on your rights and give them their only legal, Constitutional answer, the number of people within your home!

This video says it all...

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 9

Chapter 9: In which a Heart is Freed...

I went over 5 months without seeing or hearing from Sedric. As more time passed the more "whole" I felt. I didn't need Sedric to feel like having a good time nor did I waist endless hours doing nothing but thinking about him. I wasn't perfect, though, I still missed him a lot! But I was becoming more and more willing (and able) to do whatever I felt God calling me to do (or even just hanging around for fun with my friends.)

Now I was getting ready for college orientation. I planned on going to a Christian college, and I knew I was going to meet a lot of SUPER Godly, Christian guys. But still in the back of my mind I had difficulty accepting the fact that one of those other guys might be my husband. I prayed and prayed that God would do something to take away the bindingness of my promises to Sedric. As orientation drew nearer and nearer I felt that I might have to do the forbidden... I thought I might have to call up Sedric and ask him to release me from the promises. I knew if he did that, I'd be fine. But, we hadn't spoken in months, what if he said no?

One day I decided to do a blog post called "Memory Lane: Strawberry Jam." (I'm sure you know of it ;) ) I mentioned that a friend taught me how to make strawberry jam, and morphed it into a sermon on fellowship. Something I left out was that Sedric was "my friend's" son. I didn't feel it necessary nor fitting that I mention that little piece of trivia.

The next morning I found a comment... from Sedric, berating me for being a cold hearted person, erasing any piece of him from my life and memory (simply because I didn't mention him in the post.)

My brain nearly exploded. *Mental Rant* "Excuse me? Um, everything I've been doing is for BOTH our goods. The fact I shouldn't be obsessed over you applies just as much in that you shouldn't be obsessed over me. Not to mention that I've been going through living torture nearly EVERYDAY because of YOU. How many nights did I say up and cry because I was praying over you? How many times did I let God pass me by because of you? And you want to call me a cold hearted person?!?"

My rage quickly turned into pity. God was showing me something I needed to see. The answer to my prayers. Sedric was not selfless anymore. He was upset because I decided not to mention his name in a situation. I felt sorry for him because I realized that in the time of my absence he'd changed. I knew I'd changed from the little love-sick maid I used to be. Then it dawned on me. The people that made the promises to each other did not exist anymore. They'd changed. I'd grown into a girl that truly did want God as her all -- not as pretence or requirement. But, in my eyes, Sedric had changed from a strong Godly young man into a selfish, self-righteous person. My promises were now invalid (in my mind at least) and at last I could completely, 100% focus on being open to EVERYONE.

Sedric hardly ever crosses my mind anymore (even as I'm writing this). But whenever he does, I pray for him. Whatever he's doing, whatever he's going through, I pray that God be his light. I pray that Sedric allows God to 100% lead and control his life. I don't have any bitterness towards Sedric, and I hope he doesn't towards me, but I know that I'm chasing God, and that's all I care about.

This concludes my Saga for the moment, but God is always throwing surprises at me :).

Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 8

Chapter 8: In which Promises are Remembered...

I went back and forth between these two states. One day I'd be chasing the Lord with everything that was in my being; the next I'd be wasting away because I missed Sedric so much. My main problem was that I couldn't let go of the promises I made him. I wanted to be able to consider other guys as possible husbands because I wanted to pick the one GOD had planned for me, not the one I wanted to pick out for myself.

I'm a die hard. Once I've declared or promised something I can never go back on it. I just can't make myself break a promise -- I just can't do it! So I needed God to do something to "nullify" my promises. I'd promised Sedric that I'd wait forever for him. But, I had not prayed about it or sought the council of the wise. Now that those promises had been made, I'd trapped myself. To tell the truth, I didn't mind. I still loved Sedric very much, but I wanted to make sure I was allowing God to work to his fullest -- no restraints.

Months went by like this. I wanted to let God do whatever he wanted to do with me, but because of my promises, I'd tied Him down.


Sedric knew I loved him and sometimes he'd visit me after work. I remember those visits were wonderful and horrible all at the same time. I loved the rare occasions that I'd get to spend time with him (we'd go weeks without seeing each other) but I knew I needed to "fall out of love" with him if I were ever going to truly follow God at this stage of my life. The more I saw Sedric the more in (not out) of love I fell. Sometimes I wanted to go up and kiss him because I'd missed him so much. Other times I just wanted to smack him because he was making things so difficult for me.

My Dad was trying to do everything he could to help me. He never let Sedric and I see each other because he knew I was trying to fall out of love. The times I did see Sedric was when he surprised me with a visit.

It took a very long time, but I slowly became more and more willing to do whatever I needed to do in order to become whole in Jesus Christ, and not need the love a guy to make me feel happy. After I left my first job, I knew that there was only one thing still holding me back from God. The promises.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 7

Chapter 7: In which a heart is sanctified...

I remember the days following the return of the necklace were very difficult for me. I would go days with out eating, just so that I could pray longer. I didn't know what else to do, if I was going to chase after God with all that was in my being I couldn't let anything distract me. I stopped reading anything except for the Bible and I would listen to biblical scholars for hours upon hours. I felt so terrible. I had to learn to put God above everything else in my life, and almost everything was distracting me. I shut myself in my room and just prayed. I didn't want to think about the topic of "love, dating, or relationships." It made me sick to my stomach to even think about it because worse -- far worse in my opinion -- not only had I been deterring myself from following God, but... I had also been distracting Sedric. I knew I was distracting Sedric from his relationship with God. Over and over I would cry and morn over my folly. How could I spiritually harm someone I loved so much? How could I be so despicable? I, who had promised to do everything I could to help and aid him cause him one of the greatest tragedies of all? Distancing him from the great God Almighty?

I did everything I could to avoid thinking about that topic. It hurt too much. It was one of the most painful realizations that I'd ever come to in my entire life. I prayed and prayed that God would heal me and take away my guilt, but much more I prayed for Sedric.

I don't want to sound like I'm prideful or anything, but when it comes to how I treat other people, I want to see that their needs are met above my own. Usually I carry it to the extreme -- one day it will probably be my downfall ;) -- but during the whole time I was praying, I prayed very little for me, "Lord let me concentrate on You," "Let me learn more about You." But, I prayed almost unceasingly for Sedric. Normally I go to bed around 9, but whenever I'd pray for Sedric, it was much closer to 11:30 or midnight. Sometimes I'd even wake up in the middle of the night just to pray for him. I believe all that praying taught me how to talk to God more, and who knows what God used all my prayers for, but when something (even praying or reading your Bible) takes over your life so that you can no longer be the best representative of Christ you can me, it's wrong.

After my time of "sanctification" (as I call it) I felt this rush and surge of joy. No, nothing was going the way I wanted it too, but God has everything under control and He was using everything for his greater purpose. Whatever I was going through was going to be used by God to further his kingdom -- who wouldn't want that? I remember I would keep telling myself, "God first, God first," whenever thoughts of Sedric would come blasting through.

Was I completely healed? No. Was I 100% doing what God wanted me to do? No. But I was seeking God, and at the very least, I was beginning to want God's will over my own. Not only that, but I was willing to WORK at putting God's will over my own -- no matter the cost to my personal dreams.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

My Testimony, My Saga, My Legacy... Pt. 6

Chapter 6: In which more than one heart is torn...

I remember my 17th birthday. I had just gotten my first job as a hostess at a restaurant, and I had decided to take two of my friends shopping. My little sister was coming and we decided to take Sedric's little sister as her companion. When we arrived at the house, I went up and rang the doorbell. Sedric answered and in his hand was a tiny white box.

A gift? For my birthday?

My hands shook as I opened the precious package and revealed the treasure inside. In the box, was the mother of all fantasy necklaces, the silver-white Evenstar. I stood aghast; frozen in shock. How could someone love me so much? I lept onto him, wrapping my arms around his neck and just wanted to stay like that forever...

That necklace became a rallying point to me. A point to put Sedric above God. Thoughts of Sedric consumed me, and this was my idol of him. I wore the necklace constantly and nearly went through cardiac arrest when I didn't.

My father finally took me aside and explained that I was sinning. I was worshiping a man instead of God. The necklace over the Lord. It took me several days, but I finally agreed. I had to be putting God first. I now had something in my possession that I had turned into something evil. Only one thought came to mind. Return it. Dad went to the trouble of setting up the time and date. I remember the seven days prior to the return date I cried almost non-stop. Would Sedric hate me forever? I knew that returning the necklace would be akin to throwing burning oil on him, and the last thing that I ever -- EVER -- wanted to do was hurt him. But I had tainted the gift. I couldn't have it in my possession any longer.

The day came. We sat down at a table. I had the necklace safely tucked into the white box he had presented it to me in.

"Sedric, I'm sorry, but it's too soon for us," neither of us were close to being out of high-school yet, "but, I cannot keep what isn't mine. A gift like this belongs to your wife. Not me." (I probably didn't say it quite like that, I was so beat up inside I could hardly stand it.) He accepted the box without so much as a complaint and that was the last time I saw it.

As soon as I got home I cried again. Out of plain selfish longing. I had gotten so used to that idol I felt like something was missing when it was gone. This caused me to turn to God. He was all I could run to, and the only one who could comfort me. I read his word, studied his principals and prayed my little torn heart out. God was the only thing that was holding me together.

To Be Continued...
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9