Judging the Heart

     I came to a horrible realization the other day: Not everyone is saved. As much as I would like everyone to be saved, they are not -- not everyone I know, not even everyone in my family, is saved and will go to heaven. I recall an argument with a dear friend of mine... let's call him "Bill."

Bill: Everyone in my family is saved.

Me: But the actions of some people in your family don't bear any fruit. Maybe some aren't saved.

Bill: You can't judge their hearts. They're all good people.

Me: You're right, only God can judge their hearts, but I can judge their actions. They may do good things, but that doesn't indicate salvation. And some of them don't bear any good fruit at all.

Bill: I know for a fact that as a part of this family, everyone is a Christian.

Me: You just said, 'Man cannot judge the heart." Isn't that statement a judgement in and of itself also? I cannot judge their hearts and say, "They are not saved," but you cannot judge them either saying, "They are saved."

Bill: I'm not condemning them!

     Then I realized the opposite was true. My friend Bill refused to acknowledge the very real possibility of some people in his family not being born-again Christians. Because of this, he was the one condemning his family -- condemning his family to the possibility of going to hell for all eternity. How is this so? No one witnesses to a person who they think is saved. By refusing to take any action on the possibility that there may be lost members of his family, Bill is doing the equivalent of condemning them to hell -- he is withholding the life-giving message of salvation from those members of his family.

     Now, this does not mean that if one is uncertain of someone's salvation they must beat them over the head with a Bible until they repent. But it does mean that one must make an effort to be a witness through words and deeds. Make your life a living witness (it should be already because of the light we Christians hold within us regardless of if we're "trying to reach" somebody.)

     This whole experience, made me realize it is safer to assume someone is not a Christian until they have thoroughly -- through words and actions -- proved themselves to be one. Otherwise, I will be lulled into a sleepy state of being a non-witness because I won't care who is watching me: "everyone is a Christian, who cares what I'm doing." What makes this even sadder is that it shouldn't matter who is watching me or not; God is always watching me, I should act in a way that glorifies Him because it pleases Him.

     As Christ's messengers on earth, it is our job as Christians to spread the gospel to all corners of the world. This includes the little nooks and crannies in our personal circles and families. We must be living witnesses of God's glory: being both a caring spirit of conviction and a life-giving witness of hope through the power and spirit of Jesus Christ.

Footsteps of Angels

     This is a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow about the encouragement that comes from memories of those who have died. I love the descriptions and rhythm in this poem.

Footsteps of Angels

When the hours of Day are numbered,

And the voices of the Night
Wake the better soul, that slumbered,
To a holy, calm delight;

Ere the evening lamps are lighted,
And, like phantoms grim and tall,
Shadows from the fitful firelight
Dance upon the parlor wall;

Then the forms of the departed
Enter at the open door;
The beloved, the true-hearted,
Come to visit me once more;

He, the young and strong, who cherished
Noble longings for the strife,
By the roadside fell and perished,
Weary with the march of life!

They, the holy ones and weakly,
Who the cross of suffering bore,
Folded their pale hands so meekly,
Spake with us on earth no more!

And with them the Being Beauteous,
Who unto my youth was given,
More than all things else to love me,
And is now a saint in heaven.

With a slow and noiseless footstep
Comes that messenger divine,
Takes the vacant chair beside me,
Lays her gentle hand in mine.

And she sits and gazes at me
With those deep and tender eyes,
Like the stars, so still and saint-like,
Looking downward from the skies.

Uttered not, yet comprehended,
Is the spirit's voiceless prayer,
Soft rebukes, in blessings ended,
Breathing from her lips of air.

Oh, though oft depressed and lonely,
All my fears are laid aside,
If I but remember only
Such as these have lived and died!

Street Guitar

I wish I could be there to watch him play! This street guitarist is AMAZING!!!

Resting With Purpose

     As the last weeks of summer draw to a close, I was thinking about the last-minute vacations and personal time splurges people would be taking as a "final haul" for summer. I was thinking about how people spend their "down time," "veg-out time," "brain-dead time," and what people do to "relax." The top things I could think of were: watching television, listening to music, and playing video games.

     All of these are things I enjoy, but I was thinking about the quantity people consume them in the name of "down-time." With the last few days of summer quickly moving by, I was wondering how many people would binge play Call of Duty for three days straight or watch all four seasons of the Walking Dead back to back before summer officially ended.

Then the thought floated into my mind:

     How many people would spend three days in prayer for the persecuted Christians in the middle east? How many people would donate $100 not to a shopping spree, but to a Christian organization? How many people would sleep-in until noon, but not spend and extra 15 minutes in their devotions?

     I am guilty of all these charges over the summer as a whole. I have not spent or done as much as I should have for the cause of Christ, but I sure made time to do the things I wanted to do. There is a little hope left, however: summer is not yet over. Better sooner than later, make a change now by analyze how the time is spent.

     Why not relax by reading an extra Bible chapter? Or dedicate 15 minutes to prayer (I like to pray by journaling my words to God.) What's more, I've usually found spending time with the Lord to be more relaxing and rejuvenating than watching a movie. A movie makes my mind race with ideas; prayer clams my mind and prioritizes my thoughts.

     Once again, there is nothing wrong with music or movies -- I couldn't imagine my life without either of them! -- but the question comes with quantity and quality. Is your time with God suffering because of these activities? Or does your interaction with God pale in comparison to your interaction with pastimes?

     Most importantly, if you do see a problem, what are you going to do about it? Recognition of a problem doesn't make a difference if no action is taken. If you need accountability, find someone. If you need to set timers or alarms to limit your play time, do it. There is no excuse for allowing your spiritual life to suffer in the name of "relaxation."

     The beautiful part is God promises blessings to those who seek Him out.

"I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me" (Proverbs 8:17, NASB).

     Seeking the Lord is the beginning and continuation of a strong relationship with Christ. In Him all things are possible, including relaxation and down-time.

Take Every Thought Captive

     I'm sure you've heard the verse: "we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5b, NASB), but how exactly do we take every thought captive? And what happens if we don't?

     First one must understand this principle:

Our THOUGHTS trigger our Emotions.
Our EMOTIONS trigger our Desires.
Our DESIRES trigger our ACTIONS.

     Our hearts and minds operate in this order: Thoughts > Emotions > Desires > Actions. By stopping our temptations at the thought no sin occurs (it is not a sin to be tempted), but as soon as we let it stir our emotions we have given-in, we are now guilty.

     Will we be able to do this 100% perfect, all of the time -- of course not! But, as Christians, we are called to a higher standard. In our pursuit of righteousness, we must not be willing to settle for anything less than God's best.

     So, how do we stop our thoughts in their tracks? The answer is surprisingly simple: if an unwanted thought pops into your mind immediately meditate on scripture and the character of God. Simple, but not always easy.

     If a thought flies into your head and emotions are triggered, then what? Once this has happened, sin has occurred (no matter how justified your feelings may be) and must be dealt with in private. When emotions are high this is NOT the time to go to your friends and "blow off" steam. Venting only causes your mind to dwell and re-dwell on your emotions and personal hurt -- increasing the amount of time spent in disobedience to God's command of taking every thought captive.

1) Go someplace quite and lone. This is a time between you and God ONLY. Experience your emotions with God. Tell Him what you're feeling. Put names on your emotions and the situation. Do you feel angry? Tell God, and tell God why you feel angry. Are you lonely? Sad? Frustrated? Experience your emotions -- vent -- with God.

2a) Confess your ownership of the feelings to God. Don't attempt to justify or qualify your emotions. Confess that you are the owner and these are YOUR feelings.

2b) Repent. Since you did not take your thoughts captive, your emotions have been triggered (eventually your desires and actions will follow if you continue down this path). Reveling in your feelings (whether they feel good -- vengeance -- or bad -- depression) is a sin because you are not allowing God's character to flow into your life.

     The whole verse of 2 Corinthians 10:5 states: "We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ" (NLT). Emotions caused by hurt or frustration are actually prideful emotions. We believe we have a right to feel this way; we are justified. But this is not true; recall the sufferings of Jesus Christ. Of all human beings to ever walk the earth, none had greater justification for anger towards another. Christ was perfectly sinless, yet He was cursed, beaten and killed for sins that were not His. Even through all this, His heart was compassionate towards humanity. If Jesus Christ did not justify Himself what right do we have to justify ourselves?

     Understanding this, we must repent -- turn away from our feelings -- and ask forgiveness from God.

2c) Unconditionally forgive whoever caused the hurt and anyone else involved. Christ forgave us; therefore, we must forgive others.

3) Give everything back to God: your emotions, the situation, the people involved -- EVERYTHING. By giving it to God, you're allowing Him to take control and to fill you with His supernatural peace and strength.

4) Replace the Lies with the Truth. Dive into the Bible. Read and meditate on some scriptures pertinent to you. Fill your mind with the mind of Christ. Let the Holy Spirit fill you up and take over your mind and heart.

     Utilizing these principles will enable you operate under the supernatural love of Christ. Jesus has the ability to work through us in ways we cannot imagine! By setting ourselves aside -- our feelings, our desires, our wants -- we make room for Jesus to work amazing things in our lives. Will it always be easy? No. Will it always make sense? No. Will we always want to lay ourselves aside? No. BUT if we choose to act against our natural, sinful selves, Christ is glorified -- and that is the purpose of Christianity.

This was taken from a brilliant study by Nancy Missler called: Be Ye Transformed.

Nancy Missler

These are two studies I did recently by Nancy Missler that were AMAZING!!!

     The first is "The Way of Agape." Nancy explains the difference between God's love and Human love. She also explains how we are to demonstrate this love towards others. She goes through each part of loving the Lord with all of your: strength, soul, mind and heart. Although originally designed for a women's marriage seminar, this is in NO WAY limited to only women or only the married. This is an amazing study with brilliant principles for EVERYONE.

     The second is "Be Ye Transformed." Now that a firm understanding of God's love has been established, Nancy explains how that love is to transform our lives. She systematically explains the truths of God in order to set the believer free "from ourselves, our circumstances, other peoples' responses and Satan" in order to truly be vessels of the Holy Spirit in the world.

     Nancy Missler does a brilliant job backing up every statement with scripture, personal experience and the experiences of others. Each statement is systematic and easily understood. Her ministry is The King's Highway and is dedicated to helping believers grow stronger in their Christian walk. She is also married to theologian and scholar Chuck Missler, founder of Koinonia House Ministries, whose specializes in Current Events and End Time Prophesy.

For My Brothers And Sisters...

     This is the last week of Ramadan for 2014.

     Muslims and their support for Shari'a Law in the United States has been steadily growing. What the media fails to show is the persecution of Christians in Islamic states (Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Jordan). This persecution manifests as brutal torture and death of anyone remotely connected with Christianity.

     Many people support the expression of Islam in the United States by citing Freedom of Religion; however, freedom of religion cannot come at the expense of FREEDOM. America was founded upon Biblical, Christian principles. The institute of Shari'a Law endangers everything America stands for and vitally endangers the lives of all Christians.

     This video is by Dr. Bill Warner, a historian and commentator on Islam for the non-Muslim.

     This is also dedicated to all my brothers and sisters who will be martyred for their dedication to Jesus Christ.

The Dying Christian to His Soul

 

      I've been working on a research paper about the death and resurrection of Lazarus. After praying and meditating on that passage (John 11),

I began to think about how Christ has provided victory over death. Setting aside His great resurrection from the death; Jesus took the time to raise to life the beloved brother of Martha and Mary.

     What's more, Jesus tells Martha, "I am the resurrection and the life." Not only does Jesus provide eternal life through His resurrection, but He IS life. Christians have a hope and joy that no other people can understand. We have the hope of life after death -- eternal life with the God we worship -- where there will be no more pain or suffering.

     This is a poem by Alexander Pope that I felt described this feeling well...

The Dying Christian to His Soul

Vital spark of heav’nly flame!
Quit, O quit this mortal frame:
Trembling, hoping, ling’ring, flying,
O the pain, the bliss of dying!
Cease, fond Nature, cease thy strife,
And let me languish into life.

Hark! they whisper; angels say,
Sister Spirit, come away!
What is this absorbs me quite?
Steals my senses, shuts my sight,
Drowns my spirits, draws my breath?
Tell me, my soul, can this be death?

The world recedes; it disappears!
Heav’n opens on my eyes! my ears
With sounds seraphic ring!
Lend, lend your wings! I mount! I fly!
O Grave! where is thy victory?
O Death! where is thy sting?

Fight Until You Die

     This was a manifesto/admonition that a very dear friend of mine wrote. He wrote this when God gave him the call to abandon life in the United States and become a missionary to Bangkok for at least three years... His wife had recently born a son and this was the legacy that he wanted to begin for the sake of his family.

Fight Until You Die.

I will fight to die to myself everyday. I will lay myself on the alter of God so that Galatians 2:20 can take root in me. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I will die to self and surrender my life to be lived out by Christ. In so doing, I shall be given the ability, grace and courage to finish the race and to fight the good fight. Through Christ, I will fight until I die.

What will I fight for? I will fight for the glory of God among all the nations. I will fight to honor the gospel and the Word of God. I will fight for the bride of Christ to be prepared for her coming groom. I will fight for personal death for the purpose of sanctification. I will fight to be Christ to my wife and to my children. I will fight for those who have no voice. I will fight for those who are unaware that a war is raging and who are dead in their sins. I will fight to the death so that my death will be the sweetest moment of my life. I will fight, and I will fight until I die. 

I am not a missionary to Bangkok. I am not strong or great or mighty.

I am a woman. I am young. I am single.

     Yet, I will fight, for it is not I who fight, but Christ in me. I am a witness to the glory of God every moment I wake up and step out of bed. My smallness offers testimony to the greatness of God because it is obvious that I do not have the strength to do that which I am called to do. I am a woman and must offer encouragement and guidance to the women and men whom I encounter. I am young and must be an example of the righteousness and selflessness of Christ to those both younger and older than I. I am single, but I will fight for my future husband and unborn children -- for their honor, for their future, for their hope in Christ.

And I will fight until I die.

The Free

     I just got back from spending a week in the great outdoors. I was a camp councilor at my church's summer camp. I've been doing this for the past three years and this summer was BY FAR the best I've ever had. Not that the other summers were bad, mind you, but this summer I felt as though the messages were ministering to me specifically. The group I was leading was amazing also! I had seven beautiful girls who were about to enter their senior year of high school -- I've never seen girls so on fire for Jesus Christ and seeking His will above their own!


     The theme this year was: THE FREE. The pastors were specifically referring to freedom from sin -- the freedom one receives from Jesus Christ when one becomes saved. Since I and my girls were already saved, THE FREE took on a different meaning for us...

     For me, it was freedom from fear. I have spent my life in fear; not a whimpering, trembling fear that refuses to go outdoors or to experience the new, but a fear of failure and a fear of rejection. This fear manifests as a refusal to do something that I feel will make people laugh at my inabilities or criticize my attempts. This fear also makes meeting new people difficult and talking about serious issues with old friends impossible -- the fear of being abandoned or rejected for something I might say was too strong.

     These fears can be overwhelming at times and although a healthy amount of daring and sensitivity towards others is VERY good, these were to an extreme. I was scared and miserable because I felt weak, helpless and alone.

     But Christ showed me otherwise.

     I always knew:

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me" (Matthew 5:10-11, NASB).

and

"If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you" (John 15:18-19, NASB).

     Yet, I never really lived it. Now, I have learned...
 
     I learned that Christ is where all my approval must lie. He is in charge of my destiny. He has given me gifts to use for His glory. He has designed me with a plan and a purpose -- to usher in brothers and sisters to the Faith through my words and actions, even if I have no idea I'm doing it. If I feel God calling me to do something, I can stand in confidence that He will provide the strength and ability to do it with excellence when I know of myself it is impossible.

     God was big enough and smart enough to create the universe from nothing. He was powerful enough to divide the sea, to make the sun stand still, to make hearts strong enough to move blood through our veins. He was loving enough to die for the sins of the universe. There is no problem -- no mistake -- so large that we cannot overcome it with His help.

     I can stand strong. I can laugh in the face of the world when it tries to pull me down! I can do that which seems impossible because it is not me but Christ in me. He is my strength! He is my power because, of myself, I am nothing, but with Him I am everything.

Hava Nagila

     You all know how much I love music. Well, I was listening to some cultural music and came across the iconic Hava Nagila. I looked up a translation of the lyrics and thought this would be a fun song to share with everyone.

     Wouldn't it be nice if American churches had iconic, happy songs to group-dance to?

HAVA NAGILA	LET US REJOICE & BE GLAD
Hava nagila, hava nagila Hava nagila ve-nis'mecha Repeat Hava neranena, hava neranena Hava neranena venis'mecha Uru, uru achim Uru achim belev same'ach	Let us rejoice, let us rejoice Let us rejoice and be glad Repeat Let us sing, let us sing Let us sing and be glad Awaken, awaken brethren Awaken brethren with a cheerful heart.

Here's some music to go with it!

Thunderstruck

These are two cello players from Croatia. They're AMAZING!!!

Thinking in Poetry

I dug up this old poem from one of my journals. This came from an entry in 2010 -- a time when I had just emerged from my first great trial. This trial taught me the first step in listening to God: read His Word and obey.

Greatest Lord, who loves me so --
You love me more than hearts doth know.
You care for me and love me and show me the way to go.
Your care is gentle and steady -- as the wind's constant blow.

Everything I could need is at Your command:
Wants, hopes, dreams, and the bravery to stand.
You will never run out; You will never run dry, and
I know everything goes exactly the way You planned.

Your name is great and mighty, Lord.
None can stand againast You, not the mightiest hord!
Your justice and mercy sweep across the board --
For every knee must bow and tongue confess, You are Lord.

Let hearts not deny -- let Your glory dome down!
Let me be captive in Yours ways -- in Your grace let me drown.
Live in me, O Lord, see how I have grown.
May You be seen in me -- not an unscrupulous clown.

All nature is poised to do as You say,
And my only heart's desire is to show You that I obey.
May those who seek You from day-to-day
Find Your grace and know, "Jesus is the Way."

You provide for me, Lord, all that I need.
All in Your portion, be it bread, water or seed.
Those who ask You, surely You shall feed
So that I and my family may go and do Your deed.

Parents' Rights

As Christians, it is our duty to be active in politics. We are obligated to use the system of government given us to support freedom -- especially the freedom to share Christianity.

Before becoming active in politics, it is necessary to be INFORMED about what is going on in America and the rest of the world.

The world will know us by our love, but they will know our love by what we choose to be passionate and active about.

This is a mini-movie about the current American standing on parents' rights. I and many of my friends have been affected by these happenings.

Be informed. Take action.

All Things Work Together

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose. -- Romans 8:28, ESV

     I've been reflecting on the events that have happened in my life... most of them were good (if we are speaking in terms of quantity) but many of them were bad also (speaking in terms of quality). The good things were frequent, but often short. The bad things were rare, but very, very potent. But both of these types of events God has used to equip me for life.

     Before I go further, I would like to clarify somethings:

First: Just because God works all things together for the good does NOT give us the right to become complacent or apathetic to His will. We must actively pursue righteousness and God's specific will for our lives. Also, it does not give us the right to give God "our worst." By that I mean, not doing our best for the Lord; instead, we give Him the ugliest sins we can muster simply because we didn't try or care to give God something better to work with. Paul vehemently opposes this mentality when he says:

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? -- Romans 6:1-2, NASB

Second: Many times, we call our difficulties trials. This can be true, but there are many different kinds of trials -- somethings God allows because they make us stronger, somethings are direct attacks from the enemy -- yet another opportunity to grow -- but all to often, the things we call trials are nothing more than consequences. I DO NOT mean that every bad thing that happens in our lives is a consequence of our actions; allow me to illustrate.
     A teenage girl decides to rebel against her parents and has sex outside of marriage. She becomes pregnant. Is her pregnancy a trial? Answer: No. She is suffering the consequences of her actions. Can God forgive her? YES! Can God use this event for good? Yes, but only if she repents and seeks the will of the Lord in her life.
     A man with a wife and four children loses his home in a foreclosure. He and his wife are positive that God called them to live in that home. They were also wise stewards of their money -- not spending it foolishly or frivolously. Is the foreclosure a trial? Answer: Yes. Since the family and, hopefully, a godly council of elders, were working together, praying and seeking the will of the Lord, the loss of the home is a trial meant to strengthen the family. Does this make it easy? NO! Does this make it feel better? Probably not. But God wants us to grow closer to Him, few things do this better than times of difficulty.

     With this framework in place, I am going to share with you something that God has shown me in how He has worked the negative things in my life together for the good.

     Most of my hardships were self-inflicted. I chose not to obey or seek a closer relationship with God; this resulted in long periods of grief and pain. But, God did not forget His daughter. He has shown me how He chose to use those periods of rebellion as times of growth.

     I was sixteen years old when I became engaged. It wasn't a formal engagement, but it was no less real. I truly thought that this was my purpose. I HAD to get married. I HAD to become a wife. I HAD to become a mother, and I had to do it as soon as possible because I thought I had no purpose in life other than marriage. God through His grace and mercy rescued me from this dilution, but He did  more than that: through that time I learned how to read my Bible. I knew, in the midst of everything, I wanted to do what God wanted me to do. I learned how to seek God through His Word daily. It was through this daily devotion that I eventually broke off the engagement -- knowing that it wasn't right for me.

     I was nineteen years old when I got engaged a second time. I remember watching him get down on one knee and propose with the ring I had picked out. I knew that I was rushing everything. I knew God did not want me to get married yet, but I wanted to know when -- and I wanted "when" to be "now." Although I was not obeying or listening to the voice of the Lord, God still did not forget His daughter. In spite of everything I was doing, God worked it for the good: I learned how to pray. I knew I needed to know what God wanted me to do when or if I was going to get married. It was through this passionate pursuit of prayer that eventually brought me to break off the engagement.

     These are just two of the many events in my life that have equipped me to become a stronger Christian, but I would argue that these are the two most important and beautiful. God took two heartbreaking, rebellious, self-inflicted consequences and used them to be periods of spiritual growth. I learned how to read my Bible and how to pray -- the two most important aspects of the Christian's walk with Christ!

     Today, I look back and see how these two learned traits have helped me. I have been able to speak into people's lives and pray in a clear, real way. I know that God hears me, and I know that God speaks to me through His Word. I am so blessed because God works all things together for the good, but He has equipped me to be able to do more and better than I ever thought possible. I know God has so many grand and beautiful things in my future as long as I continually surrender my will for His and seek His face.

Memory Lane: Moon Garden

      Sitting outside. The Moon is full -- it even hurts my eyes looking at its brightness. The air is still cool, not yet filled with the thickness of summer's humidity. I'm on the square slab of cement we call a back porch. Mom has been working hard on our boarder garden (all around the porch are culinary herbs of every kind.) The lavender and sage turn a lighting-white silver in the moonlight. Lemon balm offers a sticky-sweat lemony candy aroma. Corsican mint brings a lush, thick ground cover.

     Everything is so alive. Spring still has its fingers wrapped around the garden. The less established plants are dwarfed by the bush-like largeness of the older plants, but the bright green of new growth cannot be hidden by the darkness. I look over the yard. There are two trees on the boarder of our property... I remember when the branches of one touched my head when I sat under it. It is much larger now; I'd have to reach up on my tiptoes to reach the lowest branches now... in fact, I might have to jump.

     Mom and Dad are with me. Mom wanted to enjoy the cool air after working hard in the sun all afternoon. It's 10pm now, and a little bit of what will become the morning's dew can be smelled in the air. Dad brought his acoustic bass outside; its brushed, black top turns white in the full moon's light. He's playing with a few different techniques and grumbling about the "invisible" fret markers. The little dots, marking the neck of the guitar, were painted nearly black on a black guitar... he was justified in his moaning, but it still made us laugh. Brilliant music, when he could find the right notes.

     I had my little acoustic guitar. I was working in an alternate tuning (double drop D) and finger picking some classic rock favorites of mine. Sometimes my fingers would stumble or get themselves tangled up -- much to my audio dismay. Dad would pause each time and allow my to regain my dexterity before resuming our music.

     Mom would sing when she knew the words or snap her fingers when she didn't.

     And all of us were happy.

     There are those few moments when we get to spend time in a moment and really live in that moment. These are the times when our soul soaks-in everything about that moment: smells, sounds, feelings, colors... Those points freeze into our minds and stay with us. These beautiful times are gifts from God -- gifts to be remembered during the hard times.

     My friend gave me wonderful advise to remember during those moments of pain and hurt. "Think of one thing that brought you happiness. It doesn't have to be big -- it can be small. Like the color of a flower or the smell of your favorite food."

     I'm a person that notices details -- at least I try to. Simple things like the type of font in a particular book, the number of points on a leaf, bubbles in boiling water, drawing faces in a foggy mirror after a shower, mugs of tea... each of these are precious gifts from God. These bring us little glimmers of hope when the world seems to be nothing but darkness.

     But God brings us hope through our memories.

Fireflies

My English Professor asked me to write a story embodying something I learned over the past year. This story represents the lesson I learned -- much to my personal discomfort and frustration ;) But God has a funny way of making hard things into good things and ugly things into beautiful things. This is my story; I hope it encourages you...

  
     There was always peace in the silence. But it was a dark peace – a piece of solitude. They always told me, “It is better to be feared than loved, but if you can be loved – do.” It made sense… in my mind, but my heart was always frustrated – never satisfied. When everything came down, I did not want to be feared at the cost of being loved.
     It was actually because I loved that I wanted to be feared. It was that fierce, oceanic love that the elder have for the protection of the younger. But I am small; I am quiet, but I also am afraid. I can sense things before they happen; I can look into a person’s eyes and know if they are telling the truth… I know the consequences of their actions… and they pain me. Sometimes they pain me because I can feel their hurt – as though it were my own – but this is a small pain. The great pain comes from the horrible, irreversible, irrevocable fact: I can not force anyone to do anything.
     My ferocious love quails at this unstoppable fact. I cannot make the ones I love most DO anything. If they choose to fall, I must allow them to fall. Sometimes this is the best place for them – if an unhappy place. They are in the hands of God – who cares infinitely more and provides infinitely better than anything I could ever hope or dream...
     This is why I sought fear. Perhaps if they “fear” me, they would listen to wisdom, crying in the streets. But I could never bring myself to the hard-nosed, arrogant acts to induce fear – I saw to what this led: a refusal to listen instead of a refusal to act.
     But the pain was too great. This is why I sought solitude; if I could not be feared – if I could not be strong – at least I would never be viewed as weak.
     So into the darkness I walked. Much of the time I enjoyed it. The cool air, the peace, the quiet – no noise, no pain… no people. One can be alone in a crowd. Just never let them in – do not let that ferocious love grow, keep it hidden – protected – safe.
     One day I took a walk in the dark. It was different this time. The emptiness was not my friend. It taunted me and then I realized it was not empty at all – it was filled with every manner of evil: a hoard of snarls and claws seeking to devour my soul.
     Where could I run? The solitude had become my enemy and I had nowhere to go. Like the child I thought I had grown out of returned – I became a little girl, wandering about in the darkness – crying out for help… but no one came and no voice answered. I was rapidly sinking into the inky, stifling blanket – all manner of tortures flashing before my eyes.

Oh God, I know You’re there.

I know You see. I know You promised to never forsake Your daughter. 

But where is the light? Why can I not see? And everything around me is darkness? 

Help me now! Get me out of this wretched horrible place.

     I opened my eyes to see one firefly, blinking alone in the darkness. I swatted it away, “No! I do not want YOUR help.” Yet it returned. I rose and fled from its presence, “No! I cannot accept help – not from ANYONE.” Yet it followed me – no matter how deep into the darkness I fled.
     Soon there were more. The one brought a swarm until there was not more room for darkness. They kept me safe. They made me protected, and they whispered, “All light is God’s light.” No matter how often I tried, they wouldn’t leave me. No matter how weak or strong I was, they comforted me.

Mother told me to allow the Holy Spirit to work THROUGH the hands of men.
I guess Elijah was never alone,
For we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.
I guess I didn’t need to be strong… or afraid,
Since God's strength is in me, and His protection surrounds me.

Drifting

     Music is an enormous part of my life. This is one of my favorite musical pieced by Shaun Hopper. Take a break and enjoy some music ;)

Irish Jig/Drifting

Fighters We All

     Here is a post from Word of The Day entitled "Armed and Extremely Dangerous." I liked it so much, I thought I'd share it with you...

There have been times when someone commits a heinous crime using a weapon and while on the run, law enforcement will label that person as being armed and extremely dangerous. They label them this because of what they have done and what they are capable of doing if they come in contact with anyone else. I would suggest that a person who is knowledgeable of the Word of God is more dangerous than someone who carries a weapon such as a gun or a knife. God’s Word is able to disarm every lie the enemy could throw our way. His Word can cause wars to cease. His Word can overthrow governments and break down barriers, whether those barriers are physical or strongholds that have been set up in people’s minds. Scripture says, “For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and joints and marrow and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Arm yourself with God’s Word so that He may use you as His instrument to dismantle and annihilate every ploy, trick and strategy of the enemy. Hebrews 4:12 NKJV

There is nothing we can't face...

The battle is not ours
     We look to God above
For He will guide us safely through
     And guard us with His love.

So do not be afraid.
     We need not run and hide,
For there is nothing we can't face
      When God is at our side

     It is easy for me to see how God uses different circumstances to make us into the people He wants us to be. We are promised:

... that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NASB)

     The bad things, the good things, the less than perfect actions, the more than terrible events, the mistakes, the successes... Everything! God works everything into an opportunity to bring Him glory. Understand, this does NOT give us the right to do whatever we want in whatever manner we choose:

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! (Romans 6:1-2a NASB, emphasis added)

     God commands us to be the absolute best we can be, BUT this does not mean we can be (or even should try to be) perfect. Perfection is reserved for God alone, but as Christians we are to do everything within our abilities to become as Christ-like as possible.

     This is a concept that I understand well. The Lord has granted me a strong faith; so, believing His promises to be true is very natural for me. What I am just learning, and struggling with, is humility. I want to do so much for God, but for whatever reasons, He is choosing not to allow me the opportunities that I want. My struggle is being content with the abilities and resources God has given me. There is so much that I want to do and that I want to be -- I want to grow and reach more people for the glory of God -- BUT that is not always God's way.

     We are to become less so that Christ can become more. If we are constantly preoccupied with how much "range" we have as Christians, we have lost our focus. God has created each and every one of us unique and with a special, specific purpose. He has intricately designed you to do something for His kingdom. This may be something that, by earthly standards, is very, very small; however, doing something small unto the glory and obedience of God is of infinite worth to Him. All the glory, money or prestige of the world is worthless if it is not in obedience to the will of God.

     God uses everything: "good" events and "bad" events, but He also uses people: great big billionaires and little tiny elementary schoolers. There is nothing "too big" or "too small" that God cannot or does not use to further His glory. We may never know in this life all of the little things we did that brought honor to the Kingdom of God, but God sees EVERYTHING, and He uses EVERYTHING for His good.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV)

     God uses the weak and the strong. In fact, in weakness, God is more clearly made known and His glory is more readily seen.

Psalm 139:13-14 NIV

For you created my inmost being;

     you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

     your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

     God created you intentionally. We live in a sinful world, depraved and full of imperfections, but God knew you and designed you before the world was made. He knew everything you would do and everything you would be. To be discontent with the resources and abilities God has given you is to shake your fist at God and say, "God, you made a mistake." The world is broken because of sin, but God has provided a way out. He has given us new purpose and new hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

     And in His will we are unstoppable!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Wings of the Dawn

     This is a very special Psalm to me. I remember being five years old and my father singing it to me -- guitar in hand -- and I singing along. Would it not be wonderful to bring back singing -- what I call "real singing" -- with real phrases and words to express our beliefs and devotion to God?

Psalm 139 (NIV)

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Replace LIES with TRUTH

     My mother once told me stories of a spiritual battle she waged over twenty years ago. This battle paralyzed her with fear, dread and hopelessness. This was a battle of the mind -- a battle of the soul. This battle could not be won by natural means: medication, counseling, or personal willpower. When in the midst of a personal struggle, how do we fight? What can we do to drag ourselves out of the "Slough of Despond" or the "Depths of Despair"?

      In a word NOTHING.

     There is nothing that we a humans can do to pull ourselves out of the spiritual quagmire. When fear and lies are flying around our hearts and minds, there is nothing that we can do of our own volition to return to "happy times and joyful thoughts." BUT we are not without hope. The only way to win this battle is to replace lies with truth. Fill your mind so full of the wonderful promises of God that there is no room for sadness and doubt.

     The way my mother fought was to wright a scripture verse on a piece of paper or a notecard. Whenever she felt the surge of defeat and gloom, she would pull out the card and read it over and over -- filling her mind with the promises of God. She would do this constantly, changing out the verses as necessary, until her spirit grew strong. Eventually, her mind was so full of the wondrousness of God that she no longer needed the notecards -- her mind was one giant notecard, filled with the character of God!

     I have been waging an internal battle of my own. Having learned from my mother's experience, I have taken to carrying a little pocket-sized notebook. During my devotions, I will write down the Bible verses that I find particularly helpful -- or hopeful. When the fear and depression begins to weigh on me, I read what I wrote -- I fill my mind with the Truth of God.

     This is the way battles are fought; this is the way they are won! Is it easy? No. Is it fast? Sometimes not. But, these are the tools that Christians have. We have the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling inside our hearts -- this is a hope no unsaved person can experience. Jesus Christ has already won the war; our job is to pursue God in our battles, day by day. Christ is faithful, and He will never abandon us to despair.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. --Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

Break, Break, Break

Here is one of my favorite poets, Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Sometimes it's nice to take a break from the humdrum of everything and enjoy reading something... just because you can!

"Break, break, break
On thy cold grey stones, O Sea!
And I would that my tongue could utter
The thoughts that arise in me.

O well for the fisherman's boy,
That he shouts with his sister at play!
O well for the sailor lad,
That he sings in his boat on the bay!

And the stately ships go on
To their haven under the hill;
But O for the touch of a vanished hand,
And the sound of a voice that is still!

Break, break, break
At the foot of thy crags, O Sea!
But the tender grace of a day that is dead
Will never come back to me."

Combat Faith

     Combat Faith was a book that my father and I did together as a devotion last summer. Hal Lindsey does a brilliant job of fleshing out what "battle-ready" faith looks like. When my parents first met it was actually at Hal Lindsey's church in California.

     This book addresses faith in a way that has largely been glossed over in the Church today. Although it was written in 1986, is sounds as if it was written yesterday. The principles are easy to grasp and explained in an applicable manner. What particularly impressed me was understanding that God does not ask for "blind faith"; God asks for faith based upon His character and His proven actions. God builds a reputation and a verifies Himself before ever asking to be trusted.

     Hal Lindsey also makes a point to tell the reader that as Christians we are at war. Every moment of every day, the evil ones are seeking to devour us. However, as in any war, there a battle tactics used by the enemy that we can overcome. Christians fight on three battle fronts: against the spirits of darkness/the demonic realm; against the culture which seeks to separate us from God; and against our sin nature. These three fronts require different strategies in order to be defeated.

     As Christian soldiers, we also need to understand our weapons of warfare: the Armor of God. Hal Lindsey goes through each piece of armor in great detail, but even more importantly -- how we put it on! Included in our bag of weapons are also the promises of God. Since God does not ask for blind faith and has provided a firm foundation for Christians to draw upon for their faith, we have a host of biblical promises from God that we can turn to for encouragement in our faith. This is probably Hal Lindsey's greatest strength; he goes through many of God promises as well as teaching the reader how to discover more promises for themselves.

     This book was a great encouragement to me. I grew so much as my father and I read and discussed each chapter together. The church has done such a poor job equipping the saints for battle; as ambassadors for Christ we must push ourselves to greater heights of understanding. This book is a great asset in understanding how to have "faith that can move mountains."

A Time of Rest

     Spring Break has been in full swing for about a week now at my school. It's been so strange to go from having class every day and full homework loads in between classes to having nothing -- literally nothing! -- imminently due. Am I still stressed about my upcoming term papers? Yes. But, for the past few days I have had nothing that's "do or die" due.

     Part of my feels like, "YES! Lazy time! I want to sleep in, play games, catch up with friends... in short: have fun because I can." Another part feels like, "What are you doing?!? You should be working, making money, getting ahead on all the school assignments that are still looming over your head." After deliberating for a little while, I figured out that both of these positions are wrong -- Yes, I said both!

     Spring break -- or any free time, for that matter -- must be used wisely. For this time to be used wisely, many things must be taken into account; the results will change each time. For instance, if one has been working extremely long shifts or doing massive amounts of research, a few days of "brain-dead" fun would be a great way to recharge one's batteries. On the other hand, if one has spent the past several weeks up to his eyeballs in social events, a few days of peace and quiet to get some work done would be better. HOWEVER, these aspects are secondary to what the primary focus during any break should be.

     With all of this free time, one must make EXTRA time to spend with God in prayer and devotion. I have actually found it is more difficult to make time for God during break than during the school year. It is almost as though something inside wants to say, "You're taking a break from everything, including God." This is a big fat LIE! Since we have the extra time, we need to use the extra time wisely -- time is a resource just like money, spend it carefully. Take some of this extra time to really dig into God's word and to pray.

     I personally don't care about the "length of time" one spends in devotion, but as a suggestion, however long one normally spends in devotion, double it during break. 10 minutes becomes 20. 30 minutes becomes an hour. Devotional time also doesn't have to be spent in monk-like solitude -- although alone time with God is VERY important too. Some of the best devotional time I've ever had was reading a passage of scripture with my family or friends and discussing it together.

     Since God is to be the most important aspect of our lives, it only makes sense that during time off we spend extra time with Him. I heard someone once describe how we should spend time with God is like how we spend time with a boyfriend/girlfriend.

"Everything calls to mind that special person. We want to share everything with them and the beauty of everything with them. We long to be in their presence just to enjoy being together. All other relationships seem to pale in the light of each other's company. This is what it should be like in our relationship with God. We sacrifice spending time with others or at other events just so we can have a few more minutes with God. We should talk to God about everything and how it makes us think or feel. He is to be our companion through everything."

     May this spring break be a time of spiritual growth and maturation in your faith in Jesus Christ. By spending time to draw close to God, He will draw close to you. He is faithful and will fulfill His promises: those who seek wisdom will find it. Those who desire a stronger relationship with God will find that as well.

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. -- Revelation 3:19-22 NIV

Psalm 13

     I don't think I've ever shared any of my personal favorites when it comes to Bible verses. Here is my absolute favorite Psalm. I remember memorizing it for a contest at youth group. The pastor challenged the youth to memorize an entire chapter of the Bible -- pointing specifically to the Psalms. I was one of only five people out of the fifty to seventy-five member youth group who took on the challenge (I wish I could say I participated out of noble motives, but the pastor had promised food as a reward). I chose this Psalm because it seemed an appropriate length -- not too short and not too long.

     I think it was four years (or so) later that this Psalm really began to impact my life. I had been going through some dark spiritual struggles. Everything in the world seemed stacked against me; people I trusted were betraying me; I felt trapped by life. What made it worse? Whenever I prayed, it felt like God wasn't listening to me. I remember crying out and feeling like there was no point to praying other than God commanding it. But, I remembered this Psalm:

Psalm 13

¹ How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

² How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

  

³ Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

⁵ But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

⁶ I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

     No matter how dark and attacked I felt, I knew God was faithful. I didn't FEEL it emotionally, but I KNEW it technically. Coupling this knowledge with the facts that God cannot lie, and God cannot forsake His children meant that God saw my pain and was with me the whole time. It certainly didn't feel like that was what was going on, but I knew God was putting me in that position for a reason. My job was to simply trust that God was (and is) bigger and smarter than me and to trust that He knew what was best for me.

     Now, several years later, I can look back and see how that was a period of growth for me. I would not be the woman I am now if it was not for that time of testing. I learned how to trust God no matter what my emotions are telling me. I learned how to pray -- and I mean really pray! -- to God about what is going on around me. I also learned how to have a personal devotion with God -- up until that point I had never spent time reading the Bible for myself. These are priceless traits that God taught me through those bleak times.

     May this be an encouragement to you in your dark hours. There are many other Psalms like this and many more that have completely different feels and purposes. What's your favorite Psalm? Share it in the comments below!

"All that is gold does not glitter..."

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

 -J. R. R. Tolkien The Lord of the Rings

No matter how deep or dark your mistakes; God can redeem you.

No matter how far you have fallen or how large your sin; God can forgive.

It is in Jesus Christ that the Christian's worth is found.

"And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins" Hebrews 8:12 NLT.

Not only does He forgive and forget ALL of our past sins, but Christ gives us glory and a kingdom. For, we are joint heirs of eternity with Jesus Christ our Lord.

"The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him" Romans 8:16-17 NASB.

 

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

     "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

     These are some of the most famous words in literature geek-dom. The opening lines to The Hobbit are well-loved and well-remembered. However, does anyone know how this phrase came into existence? I was talking with my English Professor and he gave me the story:

     Tolkien was a professor at Pembroke College. One afternoon, while he was grading papers, a random line popped into his head, and he scribbled it at the top of one of the papers he was grading: "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit." Tolkien did not know what a hobbit was. He did not know why the hobbit was living in the ground. He simply thought the line sounded interesting and wrote it down. It was sometime later that Tolkien sat down to create a story around this mysterious creature living in the ground.

     What does this mean? I remember my professor telling me this story, and, as he spoke, I began wondering if I could apply this to my life. Sometimes random stuff floats around and somehow bumps into us. Other times, we find ourselves doing things, and we don't quite know why. Some people have a particular inclination or desire that has been verily born into them, but they don't know for what reason or for what purpose. Once in a while a sudden urge or idea will come upon us, and we will have no idea from whence it came or how we're supposed to react. It can often feel as though life is just a bunch of strange incidents, feelings and oddities -- none of which make sense. Sometimes we feel lost in a great big world of storms and raging winds; not knowing if we are to remain grounded during the storm or if we are to allow ourselves to be taken by the currents. Sometimes we feel like failures doing nothing original, having no ideas of our own, seeming to have no talents or skills to offer the world.

    BUT... the world is much bigger than it at first may seem. This is not something that should strike fear into the heart of any Christian, for, if the world is so large is not our GOD larger still? God is the one who created us. He is the one who knew before the foundations of the earth were laid what your name was going to be. What your favorite color was going to be. What you'd enjoy, hate, love, loathe. He designed you with an intricate purpose. AND since He knew everything you would think and do before you were born, He has decided to use everything you have gone through and everything you think you're unworthy of accomplishing to enhance His glory and His kingdom AND to draw you into a closer relationship with Him.

    That's a pretty big God.

     What makes life difficult is understanding conceptually how big and powerful God is but not TRULY living this belief through every fiber of our being. This was a huge struggle that I had battled for years. What made it impossible for me to truly understand was my belief that I had gone through so much and done so many things that if I couldn't conceive of an alternative, an alternative couldn't exist. This is a plague for many who are intellectually or experiencially gifted. I can look back now and see how silly this belief was: me, a tiny human being, who though that I could understand the depths of God and complain that His actions were either unfair or unreasonable. I fell for the deception: "it cannot get any better than this" -- especially concerning my relationships. Since I could not conceive of any man being as good or better than the guy I was looking at, a better guy could not exist. I had been so many places and seen so many people, I thought I knew best.

     I was wrong.

     But God in His mercy uses everything for His glory if we are willing to obey Him. Some things don't make any sense. Sometimes we feel like shaking our fists at God, wondering why He has decided to put us in these circumstances. BUT God is so much bigger than anything we can imagine! And just because we may not receive full understanding in this life does not mean we will not receive full understanding in the presence of God in heaven.

     I am aware that this doesn't always make us "feel" better in the midst of our hardships and shortcomings. But day by day, minute by minute, moment by moment, this is something we can take comfort in: God is bigger and smarter than us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -- Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

     If this is a struggle for you, the best advice I can give is that this is a moment by moment battle. Any time you feel the weight of hopelessness or uselessness crushing upon you, pray. Carry a pocket Bible with you and read it whenever the wave hits you. Again, this is a moment by moment struggle. At 7:39AM you can be sitting on top of the world, but at 7:41AM you can be so deep in the depths of despair there seems to be no light at all. TAKE COURAGE! No matter what your feelings are, God remains true. Prayers and Scripture readings will help you align yourself with Him, and in the end, isn't that the whole goal?