Are you having trouble figuring out what your love language hierarchy is? I sure did, but then I did what I used to have to do in arithmetic: work backwards. What do I mean? Let me show you...The five basic love languages are:
Quality Time
Words of Encouragement
Physical Touch and Closeness (this is actually two SEPARATE things, but one language)
Gifts
Acts of Service
(I went through personality/life/behavioral languages in a series of posts called "Am I Loved?")
So how do you know which is most important to least important? Usually it's easy, but sometimes you can't make up your mind between two: "Am I Gifts? or Acts?" I found it easiest to think, not which makes me feel best, but if someone were to deliberately neglect one, which would make me feel worst? Sounds a little crazy, but think about it...
If your #1 love language is Words of Encouragement; then, if someone gave you DIScouraging words, that would hurt more than anything else.
If your #1 love language is Gifts; then, if someone forgot to get you a gift for whatever reason (for a birthday, Christmas or an Anniversary) it would make you feel terrible.
If your #1 love language is Acts of Service;
then, if no matter how many times you asked someone to do something and they didn't, you'd feel betrayed.If your #1 love language is Quality Time; then, if you were completely left out of a conversation, you'd feel worthless.
And lastly, if your #1 love language is Physical Touch and Closeness; then, if no one ever wanted to be around you, or hug you, you'd fell rejected.
See how it works? Now know that it is just as important to INCLUDE someone in their love as well as make sure you don't EXCLUDE them. For example, if someone's love language is acts of service, AS WELL AS doing things for them, accept it when they do things for you. It can be just as damaging to have your love rejected as well as having no one give love.
2 comments:
Very good points. I had no problem figuring out my love languages, but this is a great method for anyone who is having difficulty. And I can defiantely understand the last part about having your love message rejected; it's very discouraging and hurtful to say the least.
Once again, good work.
Another thought I just had relates to this, but it's going one step further. Once you've figured out what your love language is, figure out your spouses love language. In the same way that you would feel hurt if your love message wasn't received gratefully, if it was never given in the first place it hurts worse. The mind set is to be loved, and off hand we think of love in our own languages. So, once you find your spouses love language, instigate and try to send him/her messages in their own language (even if it's not one of your love languages).
I know you've already covered that angle a ways back in a previous blog, but I thought it would be fitting for this entry.
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