Don't Box Me In

     If there's one thing I love it's personality tests. I absolutely love learning about how I respond to the world and how other people view life. However, there's one thing that my father taught me to remember whenever taking personality tests: The purpose of this test is NOT so that you can go to other people and say, "This is what I am, behave in a way that makes me happy!" but rather to learn what other people are like, so that you can become what they need.

     Please understand this does NOT mean becoming a "people pleaser" (a person who depends on other people's happiness to survive), but it does mean rising above your NATURAL (and possibly SINFUL) behaviors in order to become the best representation of Jesus Christ that you can be. This actually means that -- in many circumstances -- you need to alter your natural behavior into something that is more appropriate.

Example #1

     I am not a "touchy-feely" person. I hate it when people "surprise" me with a hug. I do not like holding hands with my family. I like my space. I feel safe when I have space. If I feel like people are closing in on me or are violating my personal space, I feel like they are a threat and dangerous to my safety. This is my natural tendency.

     However, if I see someone (specifically someone who I know is a "touchy-feely" person) is having a bad day or is going through a hard time, I deliberately move outside my natural tendency and hug them. There are times when I have been counseling girls and I know that the absolute best thing for them would be hugs and gentle pats on the back. I do it. Not because I would want these actions done for me, but I know that I want to be the best example of Jesus Christ I can be. I know it means a lot for the other person, therefore, because I care about the other person, I will deliberately go AGAINST my natural tendency.

     Something that makes me angry is when a person uses their personality as an excuse or as a shield behind which to hide. Few things make me more frustrated when I meet a person like that. In stead of realizing God has given them certain gifts AND the Fall of Man has given us flaws they run around screaming, "don't judge my thoughts or behaviors," "I can't help that I'm like this," "You just have to deal with the way I am." Are these not the most selfish thoughts? How does knowing you are "a certain way" give you an excuse to sin or be discourteous?

Example #2

     I know someone who is an amazing speaker. She is one of those people who can talk to a wall and have a wonderful conversation. She is blessed with always knowing the right thing to say and never having to depend upon others to keep a conversation going. This ability allows her to make newcomers feel welcome. However, if she does not keep her words in check, she becomes a steamroller. She no longer cares about what other people want or need to say because her words are more important. This becomes very damaging to those around her because they feel she does not care about what they have to say. Some refuse to hang around her because she refuses to allow "peace and quiet." Her mouth is in continuous motion.

     What make is sad is that she knows. She is fully aware of her tendencies and her ability to talk everyone else into silence. She also admits that there are instances in which she does not care what anyone else has to say -- her words are of utmost importance. Yet, although she is aware of her flaws, she does nothing to mend them. The flings up her personality type as a shield and refuses to alter her behavior to make others more comfortable.

I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. (1 Corinthians 9:22)

     Your personality is not an excuse. No matter how well you know yourself, it is our obligation as Christians -- as Followers of Christ! -- to rise above our natural flaws. It is our responsibility to do whatever we can to help our brothers and sisters in Christ and to be examples to the unbeliever.

     Someone once said, "You can be right, or you can be happy. Pick one." In the realm of relationships it is crucial to grow beyond yourself, beyond your "personality type" and natural tendencies. Marriages have failed because of refusal to do do. Others have succeeded to great testament of their families.

     Do not let yourself become boxed-in or limited by your "personality".