Be what you want

Here is a great exercise that my father (King Victorious) gave me...

Everyone, get a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Go on, do it, now!
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Finished? Okay, now in the left hand column write "What I Want" and start listing everything you want your spouse to be. Do NOT write, "I want him to be 6' 4", with blond hair and blue eyes," we are after lasting qualities like: kind, generous, good with kids -- things that will actually make a difference in your marriage. Here's an example of something a girl might write:

Caring, willing to provide for our family, sweet, remembers special events and birthdays, doesn't complain when I need help around the house, seeks after God with all his heart, understands that family is more important than work, is not afraid to be open with me...

And the list can go on and on, use another sheet of paper if you have to. And, by the way, it is okay to think about what your spouse might look like, but don't let that be the deciding factor in your relationship, please.

Now, in the second column write, "What I Must Become". In this column write everything you think the person you just described would be attracted to. Thus if you think a kind, loving woman would be attracted to a generous, thoughtful man, write it down. Continuing on the previous example, a man like /\ that would be attracted to a woman like \/ this:

Understanding, doesn't get mad if he comes home late, prudent, keeps the home in order, wise, builds up people, very welcoming, has a beautiful heart, takes time for me even when there's a lot of house work to be done...

Now the trick is, don't look for your spouse, be come what will attract your spouse. If you want a Godly wife you have to become a Godly man, that's how it works. My small group leader once told me, "Run towards God as fast as you can, and one day you will look up and someone will be running beside you."

I once heard a man say, "You'll never find a spouse if you don't look. How do you expect to catch a fish if you don't throw your line?" I think it's a lot more like setting out a very specific bate to attract a very specific person. Instead of running around looking for the perfect spouse, become the perfect spouse.