All Things Work Together

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose. -- Romans 8:28, ESV

     I've been reflecting on the events that have happened in my life... most of them were good (if we are speaking in terms of quantity) but many of them were bad also (speaking in terms of quality). The good things were frequent, but often short. The bad things were rare, but very, very potent. But both of these types of events God has used to equip me for life.

     Before I go further, I would like to clarify somethings:

First: Just because God works all things together for the good does NOT give us the right to become complacent or apathetic to His will. We must actively pursue righteousness and God's specific will for our lives. Also, it does not give us the right to give God "our worst." By that I mean, not doing our best for the Lord; instead, we give Him the ugliest sins we can muster simply because we didn't try or care to give God something better to work with. Paul vehemently opposes this mentality when he says:

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? -- Romans 6:1-2, NASB

Second: Many times, we call our difficulties trials. This can be true, but there are many different kinds of trials -- somethings God allows because they make us stronger, somethings are direct attacks from the enemy -- yet another opportunity to grow -- but all to often, the things we call trials are nothing more than consequences. I DO NOT mean that every bad thing that happens in our lives is a consequence of our actions; allow me to illustrate.
     A teenage girl decides to rebel against her parents and has sex outside of marriage. She becomes pregnant. Is her pregnancy a trial? Answer: No. She is suffering the consequences of her actions. Can God forgive her? YES! Can God use this event for good? Yes, but only if she repents and seeks the will of the Lord in her life.
     A man with a wife and four children loses his home in a foreclosure. He and his wife are positive that God called them to live in that home. They were also wise stewards of their money -- not spending it foolishly or frivolously. Is the foreclosure a trial? Answer: Yes. Since the family and, hopefully, a godly council of elders, were working together, praying and seeking the will of the Lord, the loss of the home is a trial meant to strengthen the family. Does this make it easy? NO! Does this make it feel better? Probably not. But God wants us to grow closer to Him, few things do this better than times of difficulty.

     With this framework in place, I am going to share with you something that God has shown me in how He has worked the negative things in my life together for the good.

     Most of my hardships were self-inflicted. I chose not to obey or seek a closer relationship with God; this resulted in long periods of grief and pain. But, God did not forget His daughter. He has shown me how He chose to use those periods of rebellion as times of growth.

     I was sixteen years old when I became engaged. It wasn't a formal engagement, but it was no less real. I truly thought that this was my purpose. I HAD to get married. I HAD to become a wife. I HAD to become a mother, and I had to do it as soon as possible because I thought I had no purpose in life other than marriage. God through His grace and mercy rescued me from this dilution, but He did  more than that: through that time I learned how to read my Bible. I knew, in the midst of everything, I wanted to do what God wanted me to do. I learned how to seek God through His Word daily. It was through this daily devotion that I eventually broke off the engagement -- knowing that it wasn't right for me.

     I was nineteen years old when I got engaged a second time. I remember watching him get down on one knee and propose with the ring I had picked out. I knew that I was rushing everything. I knew God did not want me to get married yet, but I wanted to know when -- and I wanted "when" to be "now." Although I was not obeying or listening to the voice of the Lord, God still did not forget His daughter. In spite of everything I was doing, God worked it for the good: I learned how to pray. I knew I needed to know what God wanted me to do when or if I was going to get married. It was through this passionate pursuit of prayer that eventually brought me to break off the engagement.

     These are just two of the many events in my life that have equipped me to become a stronger Christian, but I would argue that these are the two most important and beautiful. God took two heartbreaking, rebellious, self-inflicted consequences and used them to be periods of spiritual growth. I learned how to read my Bible and how to pray -- the two most important aspects of the Christian's walk with Christ!

     Today, I look back and see how these two learned traits have helped me. I have been able to speak into people's lives and pray in a clear, real way. I know that God hears me, and I know that God speaks to me through His Word. I am so blessed because God works all things together for the good, but He has equipped me to be able to do more and better than I ever thought possible. I know God has so many grand and beautiful things in my future as long as I continually surrender my will for His and seek His face.

Memory Lane: Moon Garden

      Sitting outside. The Moon is full -- it even hurts my eyes looking at its brightness. The air is still cool, not yet filled with the thickness of summer's humidity. I'm on the square slab of cement we call a back porch. Mom has been working hard on our boarder garden (all around the porch are culinary herbs of every kind.) The lavender and sage turn a lighting-white silver in the moonlight. Lemon balm offers a sticky-sweat lemony candy aroma. Corsican mint brings a lush, thick ground cover.

     Everything is so alive. Spring still has its fingers wrapped around the garden. The less established plants are dwarfed by the bush-like largeness of the older plants, but the bright green of new growth cannot be hidden by the darkness. I look over the yard. There are two trees on the boarder of our property... I remember when the branches of one touched my head when I sat under it. It is much larger now; I'd have to reach up on my tiptoes to reach the lowest branches now... in fact, I might have to jump.

     Mom and Dad are with me. Mom wanted to enjoy the cool air after working hard in the sun all afternoon. It's 10pm now, and a little bit of what will become the morning's dew can be smelled in the air. Dad brought his acoustic bass outside; its brushed, black top turns white in the full moon's light. He's playing with a few different techniques and grumbling about the "invisible" fret markers. The little dots, marking the neck of the guitar, were painted nearly black on a black guitar... he was justified in his moaning, but it still made us laugh. Brilliant music, when he could find the right notes.

     I had my little acoustic guitar. I was working in an alternate tuning (double drop D) and finger picking some classic rock favorites of mine. Sometimes my fingers would stumble or get themselves tangled up -- much to my audio dismay. Dad would pause each time and allow my to regain my dexterity before resuming our music.

     Mom would sing when she knew the words or snap her fingers when she didn't.

     And all of us were happy.

     There are those few moments when we get to spend time in a moment and really live in that moment. These are the times when our soul soaks-in everything about that moment: smells, sounds, feelings, colors... Those points freeze into our minds and stay with us. These beautiful times are gifts from God -- gifts to be remembered during the hard times.

     My friend gave me wonderful advise to remember during those moments of pain and hurt. "Think of one thing that brought you happiness. It doesn't have to be big -- it can be small. Like the color of a flower or the smell of your favorite food."

     I'm a person that notices details -- at least I try to. Simple things like the type of font in a particular book, the number of points on a leaf, bubbles in boiling water, drawing faces in a foggy mirror after a shower, mugs of tea... each of these are precious gifts from God. These bring us little glimmers of hope when the world seems to be nothing but darkness.

     But God brings us hope through our memories.

Fireflies

My English Professor asked me to write a story embodying something I learned over the past year. This story represents the lesson I learned -- much to my personal discomfort and frustration ;) But God has a funny way of making hard things into good things and ugly things into beautiful things. This is my story; I hope it encourages you...

  
     There was always peace in the silence. But it was a dark peace – a piece of solitude. They always told me, “It is better to be feared than loved, but if you can be loved – do.” It made sense… in my mind, but my heart was always frustrated – never satisfied. When everything came down, I did not want to be feared at the cost of being loved.
     It was actually because I loved that I wanted to be feared. It was that fierce, oceanic love that the elder have for the protection of the younger. But I am small; I am quiet, but I also am afraid. I can sense things before they happen; I can look into a person’s eyes and know if they are telling the truth… I know the consequences of their actions… and they pain me. Sometimes they pain me because I can feel their hurt – as though it were my own – but this is a small pain. The great pain comes from the horrible, irreversible, irrevocable fact: I can not force anyone to do anything.
     My ferocious love quails at this unstoppable fact. I cannot make the ones I love most DO anything. If they choose to fall, I must allow them to fall. Sometimes this is the best place for them – if an unhappy place. They are in the hands of God – who cares infinitely more and provides infinitely better than anything I could ever hope or dream...
     This is why I sought fear. Perhaps if they “fear” me, they would listen to wisdom, crying in the streets. But I could never bring myself to the hard-nosed, arrogant acts to induce fear – I saw to what this led: a refusal to listen instead of a refusal to act.
     But the pain was too great. This is why I sought solitude; if I could not be feared – if I could not be strong – at least I would never be viewed as weak.
     So into the darkness I walked. Much of the time I enjoyed it. The cool air, the peace, the quiet – no noise, no pain… no people. One can be alone in a crowd. Just never let them in – do not let that ferocious love grow, keep it hidden – protected – safe.
     One day I took a walk in the dark. It was different this time. The emptiness was not my friend. It taunted me and then I realized it was not empty at all – it was filled with every manner of evil: a hoard of snarls and claws seeking to devour my soul.
     Where could I run? The solitude had become my enemy and I had nowhere to go. Like the child I thought I had grown out of returned – I became a little girl, wandering about in the darkness – crying out for help… but no one came and no voice answered. I was rapidly sinking into the inky, stifling blanket – all manner of tortures flashing before my eyes.

Oh God, I know You’re there.

I know You see. I know You promised to never forsake Your daughter. 

But where is the light? Why can I not see? And everything around me is darkness? 

Help me now! Get me out of this wretched horrible place.

     I opened my eyes to see one firefly, blinking alone in the darkness. I swatted it away, “No! I do not want YOUR help.” Yet it returned. I rose and fled from its presence, “No! I cannot accept help – not from ANYONE.” Yet it followed me – no matter how deep into the darkness I fled.
     Soon there were more. The one brought a swarm until there was not more room for darkness. They kept me safe. They made me protected, and they whispered, “All light is God’s light.” No matter how often I tried, they wouldn’t leave me. No matter how weak or strong I was, they comforted me.

Mother told me to allow the Holy Spirit to work THROUGH the hands of men.
I guess Elijah was never alone,
For we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.
I guess I didn’t need to be strong… or afraid,
Since God's strength is in me, and His protection surrounds me.

Drifting

     Music is an enormous part of my life. This is one of my favorite musical pieced by Shaun Hopper. Take a break and enjoy some music ;)

Irish Jig/Drifting